d is at present resting
on the tabernacle, and I never saw more need for me to abide in my tent.
And O that patience may have its perfect work! for there is much to be
done in the vineyard of my own heart, before I can come to that state of
usefulness which I believe the Great [Husbandman] designs for me. The
secret language of my heart is, May his hand not spare nor his eye pity
until he has subdued all in me which obstructs the progress of his divine
work!

31_st_.--I trust I was once more favored, in meeting this morning, to
put up my secret petition in humble sincerity to the Shepherd of Israel,
that he would be graciously pleased to help my infirmities. In the
afternoon meeting I thought the petition was measurably answered; for
towards the conclusion the rays of divine light so overshadowed my mind as
to induce a belief that I should be assisted to overcome that spirit of
opposition which has too long existed to the detriment of my best
interests, if there was only a willingness to abide under the forming
hand.

8 _mo_. 1.--I now feel freedom to give a short account how it was
with me under this concern from its commencement down to the present time.

I remember well, about the year 1804, when in my father's house at
Blacker, once being in my chamber, in a very serious, thoughtful frame of
mind, receiving an impression that if ever I came to receive the truth
which I was then convinced of, to my everlasting benefit, I should have
publicly to declare of the gracious dealings of Divine Goodness to my
soul. The impression passed away with this remark deeply imprinted in my
mind, that if ever a like concern should come to be matured, I should date
the first intimation of it from this time. I was apt to view it for a
long, time as the mere workings of the enemy on my mind, and when it has
come before my view, I have often secretly said, "Get thee behind me, I
will not be tempted with such a thing." By these means I put it from me,
as it were, by force, not thinking it worthy of notice and often praying
to be delivered from such a gross delusion. At other times it would come
with such, weight on my spirit, that I could not avoid shedding tears, and
acknowledging the power which accompanied the revival of so important a
matter; and was led to query, If there is no real intention of a heavenly
nature, why am I thus harassed? and O the fervent sincerity in which I
desired that the right thing might have place, and if it