thank
God," as Audrey might say, that I am not cowardly, which is my only
answer to the suggestion of "people saying," etc.

For a year and a half past I have been perfectly wretched at our
protracted stay in Europe, and as often as possible have protested
against our prolonged sojourn here, and all the consequences involved in
it. This being the case, "people" attributing our remaining here to me
troubles me but little, particularly as I foresaw from the first that
that must inevitably be the result of our doing so.

I seldom read the newspapers, and therefore have not followed any of the
details of this Mackenzie trial. The original transaction, and his own
report of it, I read with amazement; more particularly the report, the
framing and wording of which appeared to me utterly irreconcilable with
the fact of his having written, as Lord Ashburton informed me, a very
pleasing book, of which certainly the style must have been very
different. He, Lord Ashburton, spoke of him as though he knew him, and
gave him the same character of gentleness and single-mindedness that you
do.

Although our return to America will be made under circumstances of every
possible annoyance and anxiety, it gives me heartfelt pleasure to think
I shall soon see all my good friends there again, among whom you and
yours are first in my regard....

Butler Place is to be let, if possible, and at any rate we are certainly
not to go back to it; whereat my poor little S---- cries bitterly, and I
feel a tightening at the heart, to think that the only place which I
have known as a _home_ in America is not what I am to return to.... The
transfer of that New Orleans stock by my father to me--I mean the law
papers necessary for the purpose--cost L50 sterling. England is a dear
country many ways.

Ellsler is in London now, and, I am assured by those who know, _diviner_
than ever. I think her gone off both in looks and dancing. That rascal
W---- has robbed her of the larger portion of her earnings. What a nice
lover to have!

Believe me ever

Yours most truly,
F. A. B.

April 15th 1843.
MY DEAREST HAL,

You must not scold if there are letters missing in my words this week,
for I have enough to do and to think of, as you well know, to put half
the letters of the alphabet out of my head for the next