known that
a public charge offended in this particular, although he might be
momentarily protected by one of the public opinions, the matter would
certainly be taken up by the opposition public opinion, and then the
people might order a new turn of the little wheel, which heaven it
knew! occurred now a great deal oftener than was either profitable or
convenient.

Hereupon the candidate deliberately undid the fastenings and removed the
queue, showing, to our admiration, that it was false, and that he was,
after all neither more nor less than a Leaplower in masquerade; which,
by the way, I afterwards learned, was very apt to be the case with a
great many of that eminently original people, when they got without
the limits of their own beloved land. Judge People's Friend was now
perfectly delighted. He told us this was exactly what he could most
have wished for. "Here is a bob," said he, "for the horizontals and
perpendiculars, and there is a capital ready-made cauda for his
majesty and his majesty's first-cousin! A Leaphighized Leaplower, more
especially if there be a dash of caricature about him, is the very thing
in our diplomacy." Finding matters so much to his mind, the judge made
out the letter of appointment on the spot, and then proceeded to give
his substitute the usual instructions.

"You are on all occasions," he said, "to take the utmost care not
to offend the court of Leaphigh, or the meanest of the courtiers, by
advancing any of our peculiar opinions, all of which, beyond dispute,
you have at your finger-ends; on this score, you are to be so
particular that you may even, in your own person, pro tempore, abandon
republicanism--yea, sacred republicanism itself!--knowing that it can
easily be resumed on your return home again. You are to remember there
is nothing so undiplomatic, or even vulgar, as to have an opinion on any
subject, unless it should be the opinion of the persons you may happen
to be in company with; and, as we have the reputation of possessing that
quality in an eminent degree, everywhere but at home, take especial heed
to eschew vulgarity--if you can. You will have the greatest care, also,
to wear the shortest bob in all your private, and the longest tail in
all your public relations, this being one of the most important of the
celebrated checks and balances of our government. Our institutions being
expressly formed by the mass, for the particular benefit of all, you
will be excessively carefu