at the kitchen would never stand it, whatever the Government
said. She was quite upset--and so she's gone and done something to the
dinner.

CULVER. Surely rather illogical of her, isn't it? Or have I missed a
link in the chain of reasoning?

MRS. CULVER. I shall give her notice--after dinner.

JOHN. Couldn't you leave it till after the holidays, mother?

HILDEGARDE. And where shall you find another cook, mamma?

MRS. CULVER. The first thing is to get rid of the present one. Then we
shall see.

CULVER. My dear, you talk as if she was a prime minister. Still, it
might be a good plan to sack all the servants before rationing comes in,
and engage deaf-mutes.

MRS. CULVER. Deaf-mutes!

CULVER. Deaf-mutes. Then they wouldn't be worried by the continual
groaning of _my_ hunger, and I shouldn't hear any complaints about
_theirs_.

MRS. CULVER (_to_ Hildegarde). My pet, you've time to change now. Do run
and change. You're so sombre.

HILDEGARDE. I can't do it in twenty minutes.

MRS. CULVER. Then put a bright shawl on--for papa's sake.

HILDEGARDE. I haven't got a bright shawl.

MRS. CULVER. Then take mine. The one with the pink beads on it. It's in
my wardrobe--right-hand side.

JOHN. That means it'll be on the left-hand side.

(_Exit_ Hildegarde, _back, with a look at Tranto, who opens the door for
her_.)

MRS. CULVER (_with sweet apprehensiveness_). Now Arthur, I'm afraid
after all you have something on your mind.

CULVER. I've got nothing on my stomach, anyway. (_Bracing himself_.)
Yes, darling, it's true. I have got something on my mind. Within the
last hour I've had a fearful shock--

MRS. CULVER. I knew it!

CULVER. And I need sustaining. I hadn't meant to say anything until
after dinner, but in view of cook's drastic alterations in the
time-table I may as well tell you (_looking round_) at once.

MRS. CULVER. It's something about the Government again.

CULVER. The Government has been in a very serious situation.

MRS. CULVER (_alarmed_). You mean they're going to ask you to resign?

CULVER. I wish they would!

MRS. CULVER. Arthur! Do please remember the country is at war.

CULVER. Is it? So it is. You see, my pet, I remember such a lot of
things. I remember that my brainy partner is counting khaki trousers in
the Army clothing department. I remember that my other partner ought to
be in a lunatic asylum, but isn't. I remember that my business is going
to the dogs at a muzzle velocity of a