s fancy;--tho' not
with a view to the soul's good in extracting by the feet, as was my
father's system,--but for reasons merely obstetrical.

This will account for the coalition betwixt my father and Dr. Slop,
in the ensuing discourse, which went a little hard against my uncle
Toby.--In what manner a plain man, with nothing but common sense, could
bear up against two such allies in science,--is hard to conceive.--You
may conjecture upon it, if you please,--and whilst your imagination is
in motion, you may encourage it to go on, and discover by what causes
and effects in nature it could come to pass, that my uncle Toby got his
modesty by the wound he received upon his groin.--You may raise a system
to account for the loss of my nose by marriage-articles,--and shew
the world how it could happen, that I should have the misfortune to be
called Tristram, in opposition to my father's hypothesis, and the wish
of the whole family, Godfathers and Godmothers not excepted.--These,
with fifty other points left yet unravelled, you may endeavour to solve
if you have time;--but I tell you beforehand it will be in vain, for
not the sage Alquise, the magician in Don Belianis of Greece, nor the
no less famous Urganda, the sorceress his wife, (were they alive) could
pretend to come within a league of the truth.

The reader will be content to wait for a full explanation of these
matters till the next year,--when a series of things will be laid open
which he little expects.

Chapter 1.XLV.

--'I wish, Dr. Slop,' quoth my uncle Toby, (repeating his wish for Dr.
Slop a second time, and with a degree of more zeal and earnestness in
his manner of wishing, than he had wished at first (Vide.))--'I wish,
Dr. Slop,' quoth my uncle Toby, 'you had seen what prodigious armies we
had in Flanders.'

My uncle Toby's wish did Dr. Slop a disservice which his heart never
intended any man,--Sir, it confounded him--and thereby putting his ideas
first into confusion, and then to flight, he could not rally them again
for the soul of him.

In all disputes,--male or female,--whether for honour, for profit,
or for love,--it makes no difference in the case;--nothing is more
dangerous, Madam, than a wish coming sideways in this unexpected manner
upon a man: the safest way in general to take off the force of the wish,
is for the party wish'd at, instantly to get upon his legs--and wish the
wisher something in return, of pretty near the same value,--so bala