know any thing
about 'em or their concerns either.--Methinks, brother, replied my
father, you might, at least, know so much as the right end of a woman
from the wrong.

It is said in Aristotle's Master Piece, 'That when a man doth think of
any thing which is past,--he looketh down upon the ground;--but that
when he thinketh of something that is to come, he looketh up towards the
heavens.'

My uncle Toby, I suppose, thought of neither, for he look'd
horizontally.--Right end! quoth my uncle Toby, muttering the two words
low to himself, and fixing his two eyes insensibly as he muttered them,
upon a small crevice, formed by a bad joint in the chimney-piece--Right
end of a woman!--I declare, quoth my uncle, I know no more which it is
than the man in the moon;--and if I was to think, continued my uncle
Toby (keeping his eyes still fixed upon the bad joint) this month
together, I am sure I should not be able to find it out.

Then, brother Toby, replied my father, I will tell you.

Every thing in this world, continued my father (filling a fresh
pipe)--every thing in this world, my dear brother Toby, has two
handles.--Not always, quoth my uncle Toby.--At least, replied my father,
every one has two hands,--which comes to the same thing.--Now, if a man
was to sit down coolly, and consider within himself the make, the shape,
the construction, come-at-ability, and convenience of all the parts
which constitute the whole of that animal, called Woman, and compare
them analogically--I never understood rightly the meaning of that
word,--quoth my uncle Toby.--

Analogy, replied my father, is the certain relation and agreement
which different--Here a devil of a rap at the door snapped my father's
definition (like his tobacco-pipe) in two,--and, at the same time,
crushed the head of as notable and curious a dissertation as ever was
engendered in the womb of speculation;--it was some months before my
father could get an opportunity to be safely delivered of it:--And, at
this hour, it is a thing full as problematical as the subject of the
dissertation itself,--(considering the confusion and distresses of our
domestick misadventures, which are now coming thick one upon the back
of another) whether I shall be able to find a place for it in the third
volume or not.

Chapter 1.XXXIII.

It is about an hour and a half's tolerable good reading since my uncle
Toby rung the bell, when Obadiah was ordered to saddle a horse, and go
for Dr