ly abused
for my rigid severity; and sometimes he contrives to elude my vigilance,
and sometimes acts in opposition to my will. But he is now so completely
reconciled to my attendance in general that he is never satisfied when I
am not by his side. I am obliged to be a little stiff with him
sometimes, or he would make a complete slave of me; and I know it would
be unpardonable weakness to give up all other interests for him. I have
the servants to overlook, and my little Arthur to attend to,--and my own
health too, all of which would be entirely neglected were I to satisfy
his exorbitant demands. I do not generally sit up at night, for I think
the nurse who has made it her business is better qualified for such
undertakings than I am;--but still, an unbroken night's rest is what I
but seldom enjoy, and never can venture to reckon upon; for my patient
makes no scruple of calling me up at an hour when his wants or his
fancies require my presence. But he is manifestly afraid of my
displeasure; and if at one time he tries my patience by his unreasonable
exactions, and fretful complaints and reproaches, at another he depresses
me by his abject submission and deprecatory self-abasement when he fears
he has gone too far. But all this I can readily pardon; I know it is
chiefly the result of his enfeebled frame and disordered nerves. What
annoys me the most, is his occasional attempts at affectionate fondness
that I can neither credit nor return; not that I hate him: his sufferings
and my own laborious care have given him some claim to my regard--to my
affection even, if he would only be quiet and sincere, and content to let
things remain as they are; but the more he tries to conciliate me, the
more I shrink from him and from the future.

'Helen, what do you mean to do when I get well?' he asked this morning.
'Will you run away again?'

'It entirely depends upon your own conduct.'

'Oh, I'll be very good.'

'But if I find it necessary to leave you, Arthur, I shall not "run away":
you know I have your own promise that I may go whenever I please, and
take my son with me.'

'Oh, but you shall have no cause.' And then followed a variety of
professions, which I rather coldly checked.

'Will you not forgive me, then?' said he.

'Yes,--I have forgiven you: but I know you cannot love me as you once
did--and I should be very sorry if you were to, for I could not pretend
to return it: so let us drop the subject, and never r