ody
believed me, but everybody soon learned to avoid insinuating a word
against her, or even mentioning her name in my presence. They thought I
was so madly infatuated by the seductions of that unhappy lady that I was
determined to support her in the very face of reason; and meantime I grow
insupportably morose and misanthropical from the idea that every one I
met was harbouring unworthy thoughts of the supposed Mrs. Graham, and
would express them if he dared. My poor mother was quite distressed
about me; but I couldn't help it--at least I thought I could not, though
sometimes I felt a pang of remorse for my undutiful conduct to her, and
made an effort to amend, attended with some partial success; and indeed I
was generally more humanised in my demeanour to her than to any one else,
Mr. Lawrence excepted. Rose and Fergus usually shunned my presence; and
it was well they did, for I was not fit company for them, nor they for
me, under the present circumstances.

Mrs. Huntingdon did not leave Wildfell Hall till above two months after
our farewell interview. During that time she never appeared at church,
and I never went near the house: I only knew she was still there by her
brother's brief answers to my many and varied inquiries respecting her.
I was a very constant and attentive visitor to him throughout the whole
period of his illness and convalescence; not only from the interest I
took in his recovery, and my desire to cheer him up and make the utmost
possible amends for my former 'brutality,' but from my growing attachment
to himself, and the increasing pleasure I found in his society--partly
from his increased cordiality to me, but chiefly on account of his close
connection, both in blood and in affection, with my adored Helen. I
loved him for it better than I liked to express: and I took a secret
delight in pressing those slender white fingers, so marvellously like her
own, considering he was not a woman, and in watching the passing changes
in his fair, pale features, and observing the intonations of his voice,
detecting resemblances which I wondered had never struck me before. He
provoked me at times, indeed, by his evident reluctance to talk to me
about his sister, though I did not question the friendliness of his
motives in wishing to discourage my remembrance of her.

His recovery was not quite so rapid as he had expected it to be; he was
not able to mount his pony till a fortnight after the date of our
re