milk;' look you, a
sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. 275

_Enter SPEED._

_Speed._ How now, Signior Launce! what news with your mastership?

_Launce._ With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.

_Speed._ Well, your old vice still; mistake the word.
What news, then, in your paper? 280

_Launce._ The blackest news that ever thou heardest.

_Speed._ Why, man, how black?

_Launce._ Why, as black as ink.

_Speed._ Let me read them.

_Launce._ Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read. 285

_Speed._ Thou liest; I can.

_Launce._ I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?

_Speed._ Marry, the son of my grandfather.

_Launce._ O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother:
this proves that thou canst not read. 290

_Speed._ Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.

_Launce._ There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed!

_Speed_ [_reads_]. 'Imprimis: She can milk.'

_Launce._ Ay, that she can.

_Speed._ 'Item: She brews good ale.' 295

_Launce._ And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of
your heart, you brew good ale.'

_Speed._ 'Item: She can sew.'

_Launce._ That's as much as to say, Can she so?

_Speed._ 'Item: She can knit.' 300

_Launce._ What need a man care for a stock with a
wench, when she can knit him a stock?

_Speed._ 'Item: She can wash and scour.'

_Launce._ A special virtue; for then she need not be
washed and scoured. 305

_Speed._ 'Item: She can spin.'

_Launce._ Then may I set the world on wheels, when
she can spin for her living.

_Speed._ 'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'

_Launce._ That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; 310
that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no
names.

_Speed._ 'Here follow her vices.'

_Launce._ Close at the heels of her virtues.

_Speed._ 'Item: She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect 315
of her breath.'

_Launce._ Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
Read on.

_Speed._ 'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.'

_Launce._ That makes amends for her sour breath. 320

_Speed._ 'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.'

_Launce._ It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

_Speed._ 'Item: She is slow in words.'

_Launce._ O villain