n the absence of the other, abused his
rival heartily. Of the hairdresser Woolsey said, that as for Eglantine
being his real name, it was all his (Mr. Woolsey's) eye; that he was in
the hands of the Jews, and his stock and grand shop eaten up by usury.
And with regard to Woolsey, Eglantine remarked, that his pretence
of being descended from the Cardinal was all nonsense; that he was a
partner, certainly, in the firm, but had only a sixteenth share; and
that the firm could never get their moneys in, and had an immense number
of bad debts in their books. As is usual, there was a great deal of
truth and a great deal of malice in these tales; however, the gentlemen
were, take them all in all, in a very fashionable way of business, and
had their claims to Miss Morgiana's hand backed by the parents. Mr.
Crump was a partisan of the tailor; while Mrs. C. was a strong advocate
for the claims of the enticing perfumer.

Now, it was a curious fact, that these two gentlemen were each in
need of the other's services--Woolsey being afflicted with premature
baldness, or some other necessity for a wig still more fatal--Eglantine
being a very fat man, who required much art to make his figure at all
decent. He wore a brown frock-coat and frogs, and attempted by all sorts
of contrivances to hide his obesity; but Woolsey's remark, that, dress
as he would, he would always look like a snob, and that there was
only one man in England who could make a gentleman of him, went to the
perfumer's soul; and if there was one thing on earth he longed for (not
including the hand of Miss Crump) it was to have a coat from Linsey's,
in which costume he was sure that Morgiana would not resist him.

If Eglantine was uneasy about the coat, on the other hand he attacked
Woolsey atrociously on the score of his wig; for though the latter went
to the best makers, he never could get a peruke to sit naturally upon
him and the unhappy epithet of Mr. Wiggins, applied to him on one
occasion by the barber, stuck to him ever after in the club, and
made him writhe when it was uttered. Each man would have quitted the
"Kidneys" in disgust long since, but for the other--for each had an
attraction in the place, and dared not leave the field in possession of
his rival.

To do Miss Morgiana justice, it must be said, that she did not encourage
one more than another; but as far as accepting eau-de-Cologne and
hair-combs from the perfumer--some opera tickets, a treat to Greenwi