earing a black band on the left
coat sleeve, is to be emphatically condemned. The place for the band is on
the hat. If not placed there, let it be nowhere. On a gray or tan coat the
effect is startling. The custom of wearing such a band as emblem of
mourning for a fellow member in a lodge, or any organization, whether worn
by man or woman, is more honored in the breach than the observance. Better
drape the departed member's seat in black, or hang crepe on the charter
than follow this foolish fad.

The Duties of Friends.--Where there is sickness in a family, friends call
to make inquiries or to proffer assistance. Kindness counsels that such
calls should be brief; often duties press heavily upon the well, and the
time spent in receiving visitors may be sadly needed for rest, or for
other duties. To stay to a meal or to take children on such a visit is
inconsiderate, to say the least. If help is needed, give it quietly,
unobtrusively, and as efficiently as possible. A little service rendered
by a thoughtful neighbor is always appreciated, whereas the person who
goes "a-visiting" where there is sickness comes near being a nuisance.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 755]

In town, friends call at the door to make inquiries. Unless very intimate,
they do not expect to see any member of the family. Cards are left, and it
is correct to write "To inquire" on the card. If death follows, cards are
properly left, either before the funeral or within a week after the event.
Upon these may be written "with deepest sympathy." One does not ask to see
one of the family. Cards of this character are often sent by mail, and are
acknowledged within three weeks by sending one's visiting card with narrow
black edge and envelope to match. Across the top of the card is written
"With grateful appreciation of your sympathy," or "It is a comfort to feel
that we have your sympathy in our loss." Cards are sometimes especially
engraved for this purpose. Such cards have a mourning border and are
enclosed in an envelope and mailed. One's visiting card, with narrow black
edge and black-bordered envelope, is sent in acknowledgment of invitations
to weddings, receptions, etc. If a note is necessary in reply to an
invitation, it is written on note-paper having a narrow mourning border,
and follows the customary formula, the border being an indication of the
reason it is declined.

In case the request "Kindly omit flowers" is made in the obituary notice,
t