themselves capable of producing effervescent juices or liquids in which
bubbles and gases rise to the top be, and hereby are, confiscated,
eradicated and removed from the surface of the soil. And all the laws
of Nature inconsistent with the principle of this Act be and hereby are
repealed and rendered null and inconclusive.

IT IS HOPED that this suspension of relations with Nature will operate
as a sharp rebuke, and bring her to reason. It is not the sense of this
Act to withhold from the Enemy all hope of a future reconciliation,
should she cast off the habits that have made her a menace. We have no
quarrel with Nature as a whole. But there is a certain misguided
clique, the dandelions and gooseberries and other irresponsible plants,
which must be humiliated. We do not presume to suggest to Nature any
alteration or modification of her necessary institutions. But who can
claim that the principle of fermentation, which she has arrogated to
herself, is necessary to her health and happiness? This Intolerable
Thing, of which Nature has shown us the ugly mug, this menace of
combined intrigue and force, must be crushed, with proud punctilio.

AND FOR THE strict enforcement of this Act, the Pan-Antis are
authorized and empowered to organize expeditionary forces, by
recruitment or (if necessary) by conscription and draft, to proceed
into the territory of the enemy, lay waste and ravage all dandelions,
gooseberries and other unlawful plants. Until this is accomplished
Nature shall be and hereby is declared a barred zone, in which
civilians and non-combatants pass at their own peril; and all citizens
not serving with the expeditionary forces shall remain within city and
village limits until the territory of Nature is made safe for sobriety.

This document, having been signed by the Governor, became law, and
thousands of people who were about to leave town for their vacation
were held up at the railway stations. Nature was declared under martial
law. There were many who held that the Act, while admirable in
principle, did not go far enough in practice. For instance, it was
argued, the detestable principle of fermentation was due in great part
to the influence of the sun upon vegetable matter; and it was suggested
that this heavenly body should be abolished. Others, pointing out that
this was a matter that would take some time, advanced the theory that
large tracts of open country should be shielded from the sun's rays by
vast