ly, votes of confidence, and, in rejoinder, expressions of
reciprocated esteem. The invitation was extended to every officer in the
battalion, and then we withdrew to the wash-house to prepare to
receive hospitality. Hardly had we departed when the Major arrived, and
we returned from our ablutions, if not into the open, at least
sufficiently near to hear him reprimanding the Secretary in the most
violent terms, threatening arrest to the miscreant chauffeur, and,
indeed, the annihilation of the whole clubhouse and links, and every
man, woman and child in or about them. Old man, I have never less
enjoyed a meal at others' expense than I did the tea which followed.

Acting temporarily as Quarter-Master I went to the butcher's to-day. "A
nice morning, Sir," said he. What could he do for me? "What about some
beef?" said I. "About ten pounds?" he suggested. "Nearer two hundred," I
replied.... "Good day," he concluded, as he bowed me out of the shop. "A
_very_ nice morning, Sir."

I'll tell you my opinion of these soldiers, Charles, amateur or
professional. Feed them like princes and pamper them like babies, and
they'll complain all the time. But stand them up to be shot at and
they'll take it as a joke, and rather a good joke, too.

Yours ever,
HENRY.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Scene: Playground of sand in a London park._

_Kind-hearted Old Lady._ "THAT LITTLE BOY LOOKS VERY LONELY. WHY DON'T
YOU ASK HIM TO PLAY WITH YOU?"

_Little Girl._ "OW, DON'T TAKE NO NOTICE OF 'IM, LIDY. 'E'S SWANKIN'
'COS 'E'S BIN TO THE SEASIDE."

* * * * *

ONE OF THE SECRETS OF RUSSIAN SUCCESS.

(_By our Military Expert._)

The brief statement from Headquarters at Petrograd that on the
South-West front Wszlmysl has fallen and that the pursuit of the
Austrians has reached Mlprknik has a significance that may easily be
overlooked by those who are unfamiliar with the topography of the
district and its pronunciation. Wszlmysl (pronounce Wozzle-mizzle) is a
large fortified town in the district of Mprzt (pronounce Ha-djisha), at
the junction of the rivers Ug (pronounce Oogh) and Odzwl (pronounce
Odol), about ten miles to the N.E. of Ploschkin (pronounce as written),
with which it is connected by an electric tramway. The information
available shows that the garrison of Wszlmysl (pronounce Woolloomoolloo)
deserted their guns and retreated in haste with the Russians in hot
purs