nd while you are about it, a cast-iron parson, too. It
will do just as well as our neighbor Diggory Dyson here, and a plaguy
deal cheaper, for it will require neither tithes, glebe, Easter-dues,
nor church-rates!"

Having delivered himself of this remarkable oration, to the great
amusement of his fellow-parishioners, and the equal exasperation of the
clergyman, Johnny ordered himself to be again hoisted into his cart, and
rode home in great glory, boasting that he had knocked all the wind out
of the parson, and if he got enough again to preach his sermon on
Sunday, it would be all.

It was only on such occasions as these that Johnny Darbyshire ever
appeared under the church roof. Once, on the occasion of the funeral of
an old neighbor, which, for a wonder, he attended, he presented himself
there, but with as little satisfaction to the clergyman, and less to
himself.

He just marched into the church with his hat on, which, being removed by
the clergyman's orders, Johnny declared that he had a good mind to walk
out of that well of a place, and would do so only out of respect to his
old neighbor. With looks of great wrath he seated himself at a good
distance from the clergyman; and as this gentleman was proceeding, in
none of the clearest tones, certainly, to read the appropriate service,
Johnny suddenly shouted out, "Speak up, man, speak up! What art mumbling
at there, man? We canna hear what thou says here!"

"Who is that?" demanded the clergyman, solemnly, and looking much as if
he did not clearly perceive who it was. "Who is that who interrupts the
service? I will not proceed till he be removed."

The beadle approached Johnny, and begged that he would withdraw.

"Oh!" said Johnny, aloud, so as to be heard through all the church,
"I'll sit i' th' porch. I'd much rather. What's the use sitting here
where one can hear nothing but a buzzing like a bee in a blossom?"

Johnny accordingly withdrew to the porch, where some of his neighbors,
hurrying to him when the funeral was about to proceed from the church to
the grave, said, "Mr. Darbyshire, what have you done? You'll as surely
be put into th' spiritual court, as you're a living man. You'd better ax
the parson's pardon, and as soon as you can."

Accordingly, as soon as the funeral was over, and the clergyman was
about to withdraw, up marched Johnny to him, and said, "What, I reckon
I've affronted thee with bidding thee speak up. But thou _should_ speak
up, man; th