I come under the demon--demonima--(no,--thop,--what is the
word?)--dom--denom--d-denomination, that 'th it--I come under the
d-denomination of a swell--(in--in fact--a _howwid_ swell--some of my
friends call me, but _that'th_ only their flattewy), and I assure
you a f-fellah in that capacity is so much westained by rules of
f-fashion, that he can scarcely call his eyeglath his own. A swell, I
take it, is a fellah who t-takes care that he swells as well as swells
who swell as well as he, (there's thuch lot of thwelling in that
thentence,--ha, ha!--it's what you might c-call a busting definition).
What I mean is, that a f-fellah is obliged to do certain things at
certain times of the year, whether he likes 'em or no. For instance,
in the season I've got to go to a lot of balls and dwums and
tea-fights in town, that I don't care a bit about, and show myself in
the Park wegularly evewy afternoon; and latht month I had to victimize
mythelf down in the countwy,--shooting (a bwutal sort of amusement, by
the way). Well, about the end of October evewy one goes to Bwighton,
n-no one knowth why,--that'th the betht of it,--and so I had to go
too,--that's the wortht of it,--ha, ha!

Not that it's such a b-bad place after all,--I d-dare say if I hadn't
_had_ to go I should have gone all the same, for what is a f-fellah
to do who ith n't much of a sportsman just about this time? There 'th
n-nothing particular going on in London. Evewything is b-beathly dull;
so I thought I would just run down on the Southeastern Wailway to
be--ha, ha!--Bwightoned up a bit. (Come, th-that's not bad for an
impromptu!)

B-Bwighton was invented in the year 1784, by his Woyal Highness George
P-Pwince of Wales,--the author of the shoebuckle, the stand-up collar
(a b-beathly inconvenient and cut-throat thort of a machine), and
a lot of other exthploded things. He built the Pavilion down there,
which looks like a lot of petrified onions from Bwobdinag clapped down
upon a guard-house. There'th a jolly sort of garden attached to the
building, in which the b-band plays twice a week, and evewy one turns
in there about four o'clock, so I went too (n-not _too_ o'clock,
you know, but f-four o'clock). I--I'm vewy fond of m-martial music,
mythelf. I like the dwums and the t-twombones, and the ophicleides,
and all those sort of inshtwuments,--yeth, ethpethelly the bwass
ones,--they're so vewy exthpiring, they are. Thtop though, ith it
expiring or _p-per_thpiring?--n