rop and soap under your pillow
at night, and wake up in the morning clean shaved. Won't anybody give
two bits, then, for the lot? I knew I would sell them! Next,
ladies and gentlemen, I offer three pair socks, hose, stockings, or
half-hose, just as you're a mind to call them, knit by a machine
made on purpose, out of cotton wool. The man that buys these will be
enabled to walk till he gets tired; and, provided his boots are big
enough, needn't have any corns; the legs are as long as bills against
the corporation, and as thick as the heads of the members of the
legislature. Who wants 'em at one half dollar? Thank-ee, madame,
the money. Next I offer you a pair of boots made especially for San
Francisco, with heels long enough to raise a man up to the Hoadley
grades, and nails to ensure against being carried over by a land
slide; legs wide enough to carry two revolvers and a bowie-knife, and
the upper of the very best horse leather. A man in these boots can
move about as easy as the State Capitol. Who says twenty dollars? All
the tax-payers ought to buy a pair to kick the council with, everybody
ought to buy a pair to kick the legislature with, and they will be
found of assistance in kicking the bucket especially if somebody
should kick at being kicked. Ten dollars for legs, uppers and soles!
while souls, and miserable souls at that, are bringing twenty thousand
dollars in Sacramento! Ten dollars! ten dollars! gone at ten dollars!
Next is something that you ought to have, gentlemen,--a lot of good
gallowses--sometimes called suspenders. I know that some of you will,
after a while, be furnished at the State's expense, but you can't tell
which one, so buy where they're cheap. All that deserve to be hanged
are not supplied with a gallows; if so, there would be nobody to make
laws, condemn criminals, or hang culprits, until a new election. Made
of pure gum-elastic--stretch like a judge's conscience, and last as
long as a California office-holder will steal; buckles of pure iron,
and warranted to hold so tight that no man's wife can rob him of his
breeches; are, in short, as strong, as good, as perfect, as effectual
and as bona-fide as the ordinance against Chinese shops on Dupont
Street--gone at twenty-five cents.

PAT-ENT GUN.

I've heard a good joke on Emerald Pat,
Who kept a few brains and a brick in his hat;
He was bound to go hunting; so taking his gun
He rammed down a charge--this was load number one;