nd and around a running track until my
breathing was such probably as to cause people passing the building to
think that the West Side Y.M.C.A. was harboring a pet porpoise inside.
Once, doing this, I caught a glimpse of my own form in a looking-glass
which for some reason was affixed to one of the pillars flanking the oval.
A looking-glass properly did not belong there; distinctly it was out of
place and could serve no worthy purpose. Very few of the sights presented
in a gym which largely is patronized by city-bred fat men are deserving to
be mirrored in a glass. They are not such visions as one would care to
store in fond memory's album. Be that as it may, here was this mirror, and
swinging down the course suddenly I beheld myself in it. Clad in a
chastely simple one-piece garment, with my face all a blistered crimson
and my fingers interlaced together about where the third button of the
waistcoat, counting from the bottom up, would have been had I been
wearing any waistcoat, I reminded myself of a badly scorched citizen
escaping in a scantily dressed condition from a burning homestead bringing
with him the chief family treasure clasped in his arms. He had saved the
pianola!

From the running track or the medicine-ball court I would repair to the
steam room and simmer pleasantly in a temperature of 240 degrees
Fahrenheit--I am sure I have the figures right--until all I needed before
being served was to have the gravy slightly thickened with flour and a
dash of water cress added here and there. Having remained in the steam
cabinet until quite done, I next would jump into the swimming pool, which
concluded the afternoon's entertainment.

Jumping into the cool water of the pool was supposed to reseal the pores
which the treatment in the hot room had caused to open. In the best
gymnasium circles it is held to be a fine thing to have these educated
pores, but I am sure it can be overdone, and personally I cannot say that
I particularly enjoyed it. I kept it up largely for their sake. They
became highly trained, but developed temperament. They were apt to get the
signals mixed and open unexpectedly on the street, resulting in bad colds
for me.

For six weeks, on every week day from three to five P.M. I maintained this
schedule religiously--at least I used a good many religious words while so
engaged--and then I went on the scales to find out what progress I had
made toward attaining the desired result. I had kept off the