is rather down upon us, and that it ain't
the thing. We want your lordship to see it in that light."

"I am open to--to--to--a--to conviction," said his lordship; "or, if the
word is offensive to any gentleman present, I will say, to argument."

"My lord," said MR. DOOBRUS, impressively, "the British turf is a noble
and manly recreation, fostered by princes, and encouraging the finest
breed of--"

"MR.--a--DOOBRUS," interrupted his lordship. "_Mr. Punch's_ time and my
own is valuable. Please to keep to the point. Betting-houses have
nothing whatever to do with the turf, so suppose we don't talk nonsense.
If you can give me any reasons why gambling-shops, that demoralise the
rising generation and fill the gaols (with, I am sorry to say, the
customers, not the dealers), should not be suppressed, do. But as to
talking of the turf, you might as well tell me that St. Paul's is a big
church, or, what is a little more to the purpose, that the House of
Correction is in Coldbath Fields."

"But, my lord, as a racing man, you must know--"

"I am not a racing man, MR. DOOBRUS, but I have some race-horses. But
once more, leave out of the question that which we have nothing to do
with. We are speaking as men of business. It's all very well to cant out
of doors about "one law for the rich and another for the poor", and to
say that "JACK JONES has as much right to bet his half-crown on _Joe
Miller_, as LORD BATTLEAXE has to bet his thousand pounds on
_Hydaspes_", but that trash is of no use here. Rich and poor has nothing
to do with the matter, except that you do your best to make the rich
poor and the poor poorer. But when you take JACK JONES'S half-crown he
no more bets on _Joe Miller_ than on the Moon. He knows and cares
nothing about _Joe Miller_, but he wants to gamble, and a horse's name
does as well for that purpose as anything else. What has JACK JONES to
do with the turf, or you either?"

"But, my lord," exclaimed all the Deputation, "JACK has a right to
gamble."

"Let him. But you shall not keep gambling-houses to tempt and ruin him.
The law forbids them to the rich, and so it shall to the poor. The Bill
will be law this day fortnight. Anything more to say, gentlemen?"

The Deputation retired, considerably disgusted, and were understood to
have subsequently made particular inquiries as to the cost of passages
to Australia.

* * * * *

THE TEA-TOTAL MOVEMENT.

The Tea-totallers--wh