the kind that is
quite unable to say a good word for itself even if I was not able to
lie as well as my father in his prime. In his day he could lie the
coat off a man's back, or the patches off a lady's cheek, and he could
lie a good dog into howling ominously. Still it was my duty to lie as
well as I was able.

After a time Lord Strepp was announced and entered. Both he and
Colonel Royale immediately stiffened and decided not to perceive each
other. "Sir," said Lord Strepp to me, "I have the honour to present my
compliments to you, and to request that you join a friend of mine, Mr.
Forister, at dawn to-morrow, in the settlement of a certain small
misunderstanding."

"Sir," said I, in the same manner, "I am only too happy to have this
little matter adjusted."

"And of course the arrangements, sir?"

"For them I may refer you to my friend Colonel Royale."

"Ah," said the young Lord, as if he had never before seen the Colonel.

"I am at your service, sir," said Colonel Royale as if he never in his
whole life had heard of Lord Strepp.

Then these two began to salaam one another, and mouth out fool
phrases, and cavort and prance and caracole, until I thought them mad.
When they departed there was a dreadful scene. Each refused to go
through the door before the other. There was a frightful deadlock.
They each bowed and scraped and waved their hands, and surrendered the
doorway back and forth, until I thought they were to be in my chamber
eternally. Lord Strepp gorgeously presented the right of way to
Colonel Royale, and the Colonel gorgeously presented the right of way
to Lord Strepp. All this time they were bending their backs at each
other.

Finally I could stand it no longer. "In God's name," I shouted, "the
door is wide enough for the two of you. Take it together. You will go
through like grease. Never fear the door. 'Tis a good wide door."

To my surprise, they turned to glance at me and burst into great
laughter. Then they passed out amiably enough together. I was alone.

Well, the first thing I did was to think. I thought with all my force.
I fancied the top of my skull was coming off. I thought myself into
ten thousand intricacies. I thought myself into doom and out of it,
and behind it and below it, but I could not think of anything which
was of service to me. It seemed that I had come among a lot of
mummers, and one of these mummers was resolved to kill me, although I
had never even so much as broken