ster all over the place
so."

"I admire their discipline," said Sam.

"And then there's the Franks. They're not quite so conceited, but
they're awfully touchy. I think the mustaches measure conceit. The
Tutonians' stick up straight, the Franks' stick right out at each side
waxed to a point, and ours droop downward."

Sam began to twist his mustache upward, but it would not stay.

"I was in to see a Frank military trial the other day," said Cleary.
"It was the most comical thing. There were three big generals on the
court. I mean big in rank. They were about four feet high in size, and
they kept looking at their mustaches in hand-glasses and combing their
hair with pocket-combs. They were trying one of their lieutenants for
having sold some secret military plans to a Tutonian attache. Now the
joke of it is that military attaches are appointed just for the purpose
of buying secrets, and everybody knows it. They're licensed to do it.
And then when they do just what they're licensed for, everybody makes a
fuss. Well, the secrets were sold; there wasn't the slightest reason
for thinking this lieutenant had sold them, but they had to punish
somebody. They say they drew his name from a box. They had three
officers to testify against him, and they were the stupidest liars I
ever saw. They just blundered from beginning to end, and the president
of the court helped them out and told them what to say, and corrected
them. The third man said nothing at all except, 'Yes, my general; yes,
my general.' Then they called the witnesses for the accused, and two
officers stepped forward, when a couple of orderlies grabbed each of
them, stuffed a gag into their mouths, and carried them out, while the
court looked the other way, and the crowd shouted, 'Long live the
army!' The court adjourned on account of the 'contumacy of the
witnesses for the defense.' I went in again the next morning, and they
announced that both the witnesses had committed suicide. Then the
president took a judgment out of his pocket which I had seen him
fingering all the first day, and read it off just as it had been
written before the trial began, condemning the poor devil to twenty
years' imprisonment. I never saw such a farce. Everybody shouted for
the army, and the little generals kissed each other and cried, and
they had a great time of it. And the president made a speech in which
he said that they had saved the army and con