he said. "If we had, those pagans would not
have ventured to laugh--yes, actually to laugh--in our imperial
presence. Balderdash, you have not done your duty. I shall take command
myself at once. We must have a real punitive expedition, and not one of
your imitations. If they want war, let them have it."

"We can not have war, Your Majesty, without an enemy, and we can find
no enemy. All their armed men are killed or have fled, and the rest of
the population run away from us as soon as we appear."

"Count," said the Emperor sternly, "do you remember your oath to our
person? Do you know your duties as a field-marshal?"

"I think so, Your Majesty."

"Is it not your duty to provide every requisite for war at my command?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Then I depend upon you to provide an enemy. What military requisite is
more important? Remember the fate of Fismark, and do your duty. We
must have a war. That is what I have come here for, and I do not
propose to be disappointed. We must have a punitive expedition at once.
What are my engagements for to-morrow?"

"Your Majesty's mustache artist is coming at 5:30," replied the count,
looking at a memorandum. "Breakfast at 6--inspection of infantry at
6:30--naval maneuvres at 8--reception of our officers at
10:30--reception of foreign officers at 11:30--reception of civilians
at 12--luncheon at 12:30--photographer from 1 to 3. We have made no
appointments after 3, Your Majesty."

"Then put down the punitive expedition for 3:15," said the war lord,
twisting his mustache in front of his eyes. "I propose to have this
whole nation kow-tow before me in unison before I leave their miserable
land. Take the necessary measures at once for the ceremony. Now I am
going to call out the whole garrison and see if they are kept in
readiness. You may go, and send me an aide-de-camp. You understand
that you must find me an enemy on whom I can wreak vengeance for all
these wrongs."

"I understand, Your Majesty," said the count, bending low before him.
"I accept this Gospel of Your Majesty's most blessed Person," and he
took his leave.

The expedition did not start promptly at 3:15, for unexpected
complications arose. The other powers wanted to send out punitive
expeditions too, and they sought to have it established that the
Porsslanese laugh was directed against all the fleets as well as
against the Emperor. A judicious distribution of decorations pe