s natural way in silence--but when on my return to
England in December, late in the month, Mr. K. sent those Poems to my
sister, and I read my name there--and when, a day or two after, I met
him and, beginning to speak my mind on them, and getting on no better
than I should now, said quite naturally--'if I were to _write_ this,
now?'--and he assured me with his perfect kindness, you would be even
'pleased' to hear from me under those circumstances ... nay,--for I
will tell you all, in this, in everything--when he wrote me a note
soon after to reassure me on that point ... THEN I _did_ write, on
_account of my purely personal obligation_, though of course taking
that occasion to allude to the general and customary delight in your
works: I did write, on the whole, UNWILLINGLY ... with consciousness
of having to _speak_ on a subject which I _felt_ thoroughly
concerning, and could not be satisfied with an imperfect expression
of. As for expecting THEN what has followed ... I shall only say I was
scheming how to get done with England and go to my heart in Italy. And
now, my love--I am round you ... my whole life is wound up and down
and over you.... I feel you stir everywhere. I am not conscious of
thinking or feeling but _about_ you, with some reference to you--so I
will live, so may I die! And you have blessed me _beyond_ the _bond_,
in more than in giving me yourself to love; inasmuch as you believed
me from the first ... what you call 'dream-work' _was_ real of its
kind, did you not think? and now you believe me, _I_ believe and am
happy, in what I write with my heart full of love for you. Why do you
tell me of a doubt, as now, and bid me not clear it up, 'not answer
you?' Have I done wrong in thus answering? Never, never do _me_ direct
_wrong_ and hide for a moment from me what a word can explain as now.
You see, you thought, if but for a moment, I loved your intellect--or
what predominates in your poetry and is most distinct from your
heart--better, or as well as you--did you not? and I have told you
every thing,--explained everything ... have I not? And now I will dare
... yes, dearest, kiss you back to my heart again; my own. There--and
there!

And since I wrote what is above, I have been reading among other poems
that sonnet--'Past and Future'--which affects me more than any poem I
ever read. How can I put your poetry away from you, even in these
ineffectual attempts to concentrate myself upon, and better apply
mys