--and if I ran the risk of making you
uncomfortable about _that_, I did foolishly, and what I meant to do
was different. I wish you also to understand that _even if you came
here every day_, my brothers and sisters would simply care to know if
I liked it, and then be glad if I was glad:--the caution referred to
one person alone. In relation to _whom_, however, there will be no
'getting over'--you might as well think to sweep off a third of the
stars of Heaven with the motion of your eyelashes--this, for matter of
fact and certainty--and this, as I said before, the keeping of a
general rule and from no disrespect towards individuals: a great
peculiarity _in the individual_ of course. But ... though I have been
a submissive daughter, and this from no effort, but for love's sake
... because I loved him tenderly (and love him), ... and hoped that he
loved me back again even if the proofs came untenderly sometimes--yet
I have reserved for myself _always_ that right over my own affections
which is the most strictly personal of all things, and which involves
principles and consequences of infinite importance and scope--even
though I _never_ thought (except perhaps when the door of life was
just about to open ... before it opened) never thought it probable or
possible that I should have occasion for the exercise; from without
and from within at once. I have too much need to look up. For friends,
I can look any way ... round, and _down_ even--the merest thread of a
sympathy will draw me sometimes--or even the least look of kind eyes
over a dyspathy--'Cela se peut facilement.' But for another
relation--it was all different--and rightly so--and so very
different--'Cela ne se peut nullement'--as in Malherbe.

And now we must agree to 'let all this be,', and set ourselves to get
as much good and enjoyment from the coming winter (better spent at
Pisa!) as we can--and I begin my joy by being glad that you are not
going since I am not going, and by being proud of these new green
leaves in your bay which came out with the new number. And then will
come the tragedies--and then, ... what beside? We shall have a happy
winter after all ... _I_ shall at least; and if Pisa had been better,
London might be worse: and for _me_ to grow pretentious and fastidious
and critical about various sorts of _purple_ ... I, who have been used
to the _brun fonce_ of Mme. de Sevigne, (_fonce_ and _enfonce_
...)--would be too absurd. But why does not the proo