yet you have the impudence to tell
me that I am guilty of embezzlement, with corruption.

I can only say I should be ashamed to be a lawyer.

I can only add that I should be happy to be His Majesty's Government.

With all best wishes and enclosing stamps for eighty centimes as
representing your share of the proceeds (including fee for opinion),

I remain,

Yours sincerely, HENRY.

* * * * *

PIVOTS.

"Bermondsey Bill," who used to be
The idol of the N.S.C.,
Began to fight in 17--
P.T. instructor, very keen,
Teaching recruits to jab the faces
Of dummy Germans at the bases.
But Bill, I see, is booked to box
Tomkins, the Terror of the Docks,
And nobody should feel surprised
That Bill has been demobilised.

Although the War upset, I fear,
John Jones's pacifist career,
He did not murmur or repine,
But hurried to the nearest mine,
And stuck it till the "refugees"
Were all transplanted overseas.
In France he saw some dreadful scenes
As salesman in E.F. canteens;
But when the Bosch had been chastised
_He_ was at once demobilised.

A most diverting person, Brown--
The "star" comedian in Town,
And, since he donned a posh Sam B.,
O.C. Amusements, L. of C.
He steadfastly refused to whine
Because he never saw the Line,
But carried on, stout fellow, and
Is now at home, I understand.
A pivot so well-paid and prized
Just _had_ to be demobilised.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Officer (on leave)_. "YOU'LL BE GLAD TO HAVE THE
BISLEY MEETING REVIVED?"

_Veteran Volunteer Marksman_. "YES; BUT THERE'LL BE SOME POOR SCORING.
YOU SEE THERE'S BEEN NO SERIOUS SHOOTING FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS."]

* * * * *

OCCUPIED OPERA.

It was a chilly morning early in January. The Opera at Cologne had
just become recognised as the principal attraction of the place, and
as yet there was no suave interpreter in attendance to mediate between
the queue of representatives of Britain's military power and the
German clerk in the box-office.

I suppose that in some handsome suite of apartments in one of the best
hotels in Cologne an exalted personage with red trimmings spends his
whole time--office hours, of course--in devising fresh schemes for
the sale and distribution of opera tickets to the British troops. The
demand for them is always far in excess of the number reserved for t