estimony was false because he
had a holiday that day, and this poser was put to him: "Do you mean to
tell the Court that you came to work when you might have been enjoying a
holiday?"--"Certainly."--"Why did you do that?" The reply was too
obviously truthful. "What should I do? I have nowhere to go. I'm
teetotal now."

A Jew had been condemned to be hanged, and was brought to the gallows
along with a fellow prisoner; but on the road, before reaching the place
of execution, a reprieve arrived for the Jew. When informed of this, it
was expected that he would instantly leave the cart in which he was
conveyed, but he remained and saw his fellow prisoner hanged. Being
asked why he did not at once go about his business, he said, "He was
waiting to see if he could bargain with Mr. Ketch for the _other
gentleman's clothes_!"

* * * * *

A sign-painter presented his bill to a lawyer for payment. After
examining it the lawyer said, "Do you expect any painter will go to
heaven if they make such charges as these?"--"I never heard of but one
that went," said the painter, "and he behaved so badly that they
determined to turn him out, but there being no lawyer present to draw up
the Writ of Ejectment, he remained."

This must be the lawyer who, being refused entrance to heaven by St.
Peter, contrived to throw his hat inside the door; and then, being
permitted to go and fetch it, took advantage of the Saint being fixed to
his post as doorkeeper and refused to come back again.

A solicitor who was known to occasionally exceed the limit at lunch
betrayed so much unsteadiness that the magistrate quickly observed, "I
think, Mr. ----, you are not quite well, perhaps you had a little too
much wine at lunch."--"Quite a mistake, your worship," hiccoughed Mr.
----. "It was brandy and water."

The son-in-law of a Chancery barrister having succeeded to the lucrative
practice of the latter, came one morning in breathless haste to inform
him that he had succeeded in bringing nearly to its termination a cause
which had been pending in the Court for several years. Instead of
obtaining the expected congratulations of the retired veteran of the
law, his intelligence was received with indignation. "It was by this
suit," exclaimed he, "that my father was enabled to provide for me, and
to portion your wife, and with the exercise of common prudence it would
have furnished you with the means of providing handsomely for