e.]

There is absolutely no news. We are standing by for what may betide,
with not the faintest idea of what it may be. Of course, we are
drilling all the time, and perfecting our readiness for action in every
way, but there is a total absence of that excitement and sense of
something impending that one usually associates with the beginning of
war. Indeed, I think that the only real anxiety is lest we may not get
into the big game at all. I do not think any of us are bloodthirsty or
desirous of either glory or advancement, but we have the wish to justify
our existence. With me it takes this form--by being in the service I
have sacrificed my chance to make good as husband, father, citizen, son,
in fact, in every human relationship, in order to be, as I trust, one of
the Nation's high-grade fighting instruments. Now, if fate never uses me
for the purpose to which I have been fashioned, then much time, labor,
and material have been wasted, and I had better have been made into a
good clerk, farmer, or business man.

[Sidenote: The desire to be put to the test.]

I do so want to be put to the test and not found wanting. Of course, I
know that the higher courage is to do your duty from day to day no
matter in how small a line, but all of us conceal a sneaking desire to
attempt the higher hurdles and sail over grandly.

You need not be proud of me, for there is no intrinsic virtue in being
in the Navy when war is declared; but I hope fate will give me the
chance to make you proud.

APRIL 21.

[Sidenote: A chance to command.]

[Sidenote: Bringing a ship to dock.]

I have been having lots of fun in command myself, and good experience. I
have taken her out on patrol up to Norfolk twice, where the channel is
as thin and crooked as a corkscrew, then into dry dock. Later, escorted
a submarine down, then docked the ship alongside of a collier, and have
established, to my own satisfaction at least, that I know how to handle
a ship. All this may not convey much, but you remember how you felt
when you first handled your father's car. Well, the car weighs about two
tons and the W---- a thousand, and she goes nearly as fast. You have to
bring your own mass up against another dock or oilship as gently as
dropping an egg in an egg-cup, and you can imagine what the battleship
skipper is up against, with 30,000 tons to handle. Only he generally has
tugs to help him, whereas we do it all by ourselves.

[Sidenote: Justifying one's