lf. E.G.--In what way
should Her Majesty stand upon a Bill in Parliament so as to
quash it?--By putting her _V-toe_ (_veto_) on it.--PRINTER'S
DEVIL.

I floored Ben-beau D'Israeli the other day with the following:--"Ben,"
said I, "if I were going to buy a violin, what method should I take to get
it cheap?" Benjie looked rather more foolish than usual, and gave it up.
"Why, you ninny," I replied, "I should buy an ounce of castor-oil, and
then I would get a phial in (_violin_)." I think I had him there.

Why is a female of the canine species suckling her whelps like a
philosophic principle?--Because she is a dogma (_dog-ma_).

What part of a horse's foot is like an irate governor?--The pastern
(_pa-stern_).

Why is the march of a funeral procession like a turnpike?--Because it is a
toll-gait (_toll-gate_).

Who is the greatest literary _star_?--The _poet-aster_.

Why is an Israelite named William Solomons similar to a great public
festival?--Because he is a Jubilee (_Jew-Billy_).

Why are polished manners like a pea-jacket?--Because they are address (_a
dress_).

Why are swallows like a leap head-over-heels?--Because they are a summer
set (_a somerset_).

* * * * *

CUTTING IT RATHER SHORT.

The unexpected adjournment of the Court of Queen's Bench, by Lord Denman,
on last Thursday, has filled the bar with consternation.--"What is to
become of our clients?" said Fitzroy Kelly.--"And of our fees?" added the
Solicitor General.--"I feel deeply for my clients," sighed Serjeant
Bompas.--"We all compassionate them, brother," observed Wilde.--In short,
one and all declare it was a most arbitrary and unprecedented curtailment
of their little _term_--and, to say the least of it,

[Illustration: A MOST DISTRESSING BLOW.]

* * * * *

NATIONAL DISTRESS.

The Tee-totallers say that the majority of the people are victims to
Bacchus. In the present hard times they are more likely to be victims to

[Illustration: JUG O' NOUGHT--(JUGGERNAUT.)]

* * * * *

SONGS FOR THE SENTIMENTAL.--No. 12.

Away! away! ye hopes which stray
Like jeering spectres from the tomb!
Ye cannot light the coming night,
And shall not mock its gathering gloom;
Though dark the cloud shall form my shroud--
Though danger league with racking doubt--
Away! away! _ye_ shall not stay
When all my joys a