soon as
it was left, and my thoughts circling continually about Justin and
Philip and Mary and the things I might have said and done.

Sec. 4

One day late in February I found myself in Vevey. I had come down with
the break-up of the weather from Montana, where I had met some Oxford
men I knew and had learned to ski. I had made a few of those vague
acquaintances one makes in a winter-sport hotel, but now all these
people were going back to England and I was thrown back upon myself once
more. I was dull and angry and unhappy still, full of self-reproaches
and dreary indignations, and then very much as the sky will sometimes
break surprisingly through storm clouds there began in me a new series
of moods. They came to me by surprise. One clear bright afternoon I sat
upon the wall that runs along under the limes by the lake shore, envying
all these people who were going back to England and work and usefulness.
I thought of myself, of my career spoilt, my honor tarnished, my
character tested and found wanting. So far as English politics went my
prospects had closed for ever. Even after three years it was improbable
that I should be considered by the party managers again. And besides, it
seemed to me I was a man crippled. My other self, the mate and
confirmation of my mind, had gone from me. I was no more than a
mutilated man. My life was a thing condemned; I had joined the ranks of
loafing, morally-limping, English exiles.

I looked up. The sun was setting, a warm glow fell upon the dissolving
mountains of Savoy and upon the shining mirror of the lake. The
luminous, tranquil breadth of it caught me and held me. "I am done for."
The light upon the lake and upon the mountains, the downward swoop of a
bird over the water and something in my heart, gave me the lie.

"What nonsense!" I said, and felt as if some dark cloud that had
overshadowed me had been thrust back.

I stared across at Savoy as though that land had spoken. Why should I
let all my life be ruled by the blunders and adventures of one short
year of adventure? Why should I become the votary of a train of
consequences? What had I been dreaming of all this time? Over there were
gigantic uplands I had never seen and trodden; and beyond were great
plains and cities, and beyond that the sea, and so on, great spaces and
multitudinous things all round about the world. What did the things I
had done, the things I had failed to do, the hopes crushed out of me,
the te