l learn that control _pays_--_if you make it pay_.
Encourage the hungry child to stop crying while you prepare his food,
but prepare it quickly, or he will begin to cry again to make you
hurry. Mothers usually work hard to teach control of bodily functions,
but often far less to obtain control of mental and moral conditions.
Obedience, considered from time immemorial the chief virtue of
childhood, is really only of value as it conduces to self-control in
later life. The wise parent, therefore, while requiring obedience for
the convenience of the family and the safety of the child, will lay
far more stress upon teaching the child to control himself. The work
must be done almost entirely by indirect methods during the early
years. Offering artificial rewards and dealing out artificial
punishments are the crudest forms of encouraging effort. The natural
reward and the inevitable natural punishment are far better when they
can be employed.

[Illustration: Courtesy of the United Charities of Chicago
A group of children at the Mary Crane Nursery, Chicago. Children
acquire self-control by learning to help themselves]

The child who overcomes his tendency to play before or during his
dressing may be rewarded by some special morning privilege which will
automatically regulate itself. In our family it is the joyful task of
bringing in and distributing the morning mail. The child not dressed
"on time" necessarily loses the privilege. We are not punishing, but
"we can't wait." Lack of control of temper presupposes solitude.
"People can't have cross children about." Quarrels inevitably bring
cessation of group play or work--solitude again. The child's love of
approbation may also be made of great assistance. Always we must
remember that doing _what we tell him to do_ is not after all the main
thing. It is doing the right thing, being willing to do the right
thing, and being able to hold back the impulse to do the wrong thing,
that count. We are working "to train self-directed agents, not to make
soldiers."

Unselfishness is a plant of slow growth. Indeed it is properly not a
childish trait at all, and the most we can probably get is its outward
seeming. But it is important that we at least acquaint the child with
ideals of unselfishness. We must find much in the child to appeal to,
even though altruistic motives do not appear until much later than
this. The love of approbation will prove a strong help again, also the
sense of ju