e. My dead father, who liked
a joke, peace to his bones, used to say, talking of our ancestors,
that the ancient stock of the Simeonov-Pischins was descended from that
identical horse that Caligula made a senator.... [Sits] But the trouble
is, I've no money! A hungry dog only believes in meat. [Snores and wakes
up again immediately] So I... only believe in money....

TROFIMOV. Yes. There is something equine about your figure.

PISCHIN. Well... a horse is a fine animal... you can sell a horse.

[Billiard playing can be heard in the next room. VARYA appears under the
arch.]

TROFIMOV. [Teasing] Madame Lopakhin! Madame Lopakhin!

VARYA. [Angry] Decayed gentleman!

TROFIMOV. Yes, I am a decayed gentleman, and I'm proud of it!

VARYA. [Bitterly] We've hired the musicians, but how are they to be
paid? [Exit.]

TROFIMOV. [To PISCHIN] If the energy which you, in the course of your
life, have spent in looking for money to pay interest had been used
for something else, then, I believe, after all, you'd be able to turn
everything upside down.

PISCHIN. Nietzsche... a philosopher... a very great, a most celebrated
man... a man of enormous brain, says in his books that you can forge
bank-notes.

TROFIMOV. And have you read Nietzsche?

PISCHIN. Well... Dashenka told me. Now I'm in such a position, I
wouldn't mind forging them... I've got to pay 310 roubles the day after
to-morrow... I've got 130 already.... [Feels his pockets, nervously]
I've lost the money! The money's gone! [Crying] Where's the money?
[Joyfully] Here it is behind the lining... I even began to perspire.

[Enter LUBOV ANDREYEVNA and CHARLOTTA IVANOVNA.]

LUBOV. [Humming a Caucasian dance] Why is Leonid away so long? What's he
doing in town? [To DUNYASHA] Dunyasha, give the musicians some tea.

TROFIMOV. Business is off, I suppose.

LUBOV. And the musicians needn't have come, and we needn't have got up
this ball.... Well, never mind.... [Sits and sings softly.]

CHARLOTTA. [Gives a pack of cards to PISCHIN] Here's a pack of cards,
think of any one card you like.

PISCHIN. I've thought of one.

CHARLOTTA. Now shuffle. All right, now. Give them here, oh my dear
Mr. Pischin. _Ein, zwei, drei_! Now look and you'll find it in your
coat-tail pocket.

PISCHIN. [Takes a card out of his coat-tail pocket] Eight of spades,
quite right! [Surprised] Think of that now!

CHARLOTTA. [Holds the pack of cards on the palm of her hand. To
TROFIMOV] Now tell me q