eadful batteries against me. He said to
me that it showed very little shame in me if I could have the face to
pray, who had just been so wicked. And under that snare of Satan I
actually as good as gave up all prayer for a year and a half. This was
nothing else but to throw myself straight down into hell. O my God, was
there ever such madness as mine! Where could I think to find either
pardon for the past, or power for the time to come, but from Thee? What
folly to the stumbler to run away from the light! Let all those who
would give themselves to prayer, and to a holy life, look well to this.
They should know that when I was shunning prayer because I was so bad, my
badness became more abandoned than ever it had been before. Rely on the
waiting and abounding goodness of God, which is infinitely greater than
all the evil you can do. When we acknowledge our vileness, He remembers
it no more. I grew weary of sinning before God grew weary of forgiving
my sin. He is never weary of giving grace, nor are his compassions to be
exhausted. May He be blessed for ever, amen: and may all created things
praise Him!

I have made a vow--[it is known as 'the Teresian vow,' 'the seraphic
vow,' 'the most arduous of vows,' 'a vow yet unexampled in the Church'],
a vow never to offend God in the very least matter. I have vowed that I
would rather die a thousand deaths than do anything of that kind, knowing
I was doing it. I am resolved also, never to leave anything whatsoever
undone that I consider to be still more perfect, and more for the honour
of our Lord. Cost me what pain it may, I would not leave such an act
undone for all the treasures of the world. If I were to do so, I do not
think I could have the face to ask anything of God in prayer: and yet,
for all that, I have many faults and imperfections remaining in me to
this day.

ON THE GODHEAD

On one occasion when I was in prayer I had a vision in which I saw how
all things are seen in God. I cannot explain what I saw, but what I saw
remains to this day deeply imprinted on my soul. It was a great act of
grace in God to give me that vision. It puts me to unspeakable
confusion, shame, and horror whenever I recall that magnificent sight,
and then think of my sin. I believe that had the Lord been pleased to
send me that great revelation of Himself earlier in my life, it would
have kept me back from much sin. The vision was so delicate, so subtle,
and so spirit