proclaiming my secret sins to all men. And, thus, I am very glad
that my detractor should ever report a trifling lie about me, rather than
the terrible truth.

O my Lord, when I remember in how many ways Thou didst suffer detraction
and misrepresentation, who in no way deserved it, I know not where my
senses are when I am in such a haste to defend and excuse myself. Is it
possible that I should desire any one to speak any good of me, or to
think it, when so many ill things were thought and spoken of Thee! What
is this, O Lord; what do we imagine to get by pleasing worms, or being
praised by them? What about being blamed by all men, if only we stand at
last blameless before Thee!

ON PRAISE, PRECEDENCY, AND POINTS OF HONOUR

Observe carefully the stirrings of your heart in matters of superiority.
Pray to be delivered from such thoughts as these: I am older. I deserve
better. I have laboured more. I have more talent. Such thoughts are
the plague and poison of the heart. Believe me, if there remain in you
any allowed hankerings after the praises of men, though you may have
spent many years in prayer, or rather in idle forms of prayer, you have
made no progress, and never will, till your heart is crucified to the
approval and the praise of men. If you feel in yourself any point of
honour, any pride, any desire of eminence or pre-eminence, you must free
yourself from that abominable bondage, and for that chain there is no
hammer and file like humility and prayer. Among the rest of my great
imperfections this was one. I had very little knowledge of my Breviary,
or of that which was to be sung in the choir, and all the while I saw
that some other novices could instruct me. But I was too proud to ask
any questions. I was afraid that my great ignorance should be
discovered. Shortly afterwards a good example was set before me, and
then, when God had once opened my eyes to my sinful pride, I was content
to ask information and the help even of little children. And yet,--and
this surprised me, I lost no credit or honour thereby. Nay, it seemed to
me that my Lord after that gave me better skill and a better memory. I
could sing but very ill, and I was troubled at this, not because I failed
in my worship of God, but because so many heard me, and thus I was
disturbed on the mere point of honour and praise. I told them that I
could not do what others did, and what was expected of me. At first I
had some diff