t a man receives at the time. I know by my own
experience, that he who determines to pray, not much heeding either
immediate comfort or dejection, he has got into one of the best secrets
of prayer. I am troubled to hear that grave men, and men of learning and
understanding, complain that God does not give them sensible devotion. It
proceeds from ignorance of the true life of prayer, and from not carrying
the cross into prayer as into all the rest of the spiritual life. He who
begins to pray should be well told that he begins to plant a fine garden
in very bad soil; a soil full of the most noxious and ineradicable weeds.
And that after good herbs and plants and flowers have been sown, then he
has to weed and water and fence and watch that garden night and day and
all his life. Till the Lord of the garden is able to come and recreate
and regale Himself where once there was nothing but weeds, and stones,
and noxious vermin. Prayer, howsoever perfect in itself it may be, must
always be directed in upon the performance of good works. We must not
content ourselves with the gift of prayer, or with liberty and
consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from prayer the most
rapturous and sweet only to do harder and ever harder works for God and
our neighbour. Otherwise the prayer is not good, and the gusts are not
from God. The growth and maturity and fruitfulness of the soul do not
stand in liberty in prayer, but in love. And this love is got not by
speaking much but by doing and suffering much. For my part, and I have
been long at it, I desire no other gift of prayer but that which ends in
every day making me a better and better woman. By its fruits your prayer
will be known to yourselves and others.

At other times I find myself so arid that I am not able to form any
distinct idea of God, nor can I put my soul into an attitude of prayer,
though I am in the place of prayer, and though I feel that I know
something of God. This mind of mine at such times is like a born fool or
some idiot creature that nothing can bind down. I cannot command myself.
I cannot properly say one _Credo_. At such times I laugh bitterly at
myself, and see clearly my own natural misery. I come then to see the
exceeding favour of the Lord in that He ever holds this insane fool fast
in prayer and holiness. What would those who love and honour me think if
they saw their friend in this dotage and distraction? I reflect at such
times