n simply
a HAMLET--with a yellow wig. Until then we shall be constrained to class
him with the other blonde burlesquers.

MATADOR.

* * * * *

WHAT THE PRESS IS EXPECTED TO SAY OF US.

There is no trash in this paper.--_Literary Standard_.

PUNCHINELLO is a perfect beauty, and good as beautiful.--_Moralist_.

--a most suitable companion for our walks and meditations.--_Casuist_.

PUNCHINELLO pays beautifully.--_Cash Account_.

--just the thing for our mothers-in-law.--_Domestic-Hearth_.

--its wisdom and learning are equally remarkable.--_College Club_.

PUNCHINELLO deserves to be styled A Brick.--_Midnight Male_.

--the most irreproachable thing going; and every man who does not buy a
copy for himself, every week, and another for his wife, with one for
each of his children, is a brute.--_Plain Speaker_.

--bully.--_Western Grazier_.

--knows beans.--_Horticulturist_.

--up to snuff.--_Market Reporter_.

--cock of the walk.--_Prairie Chicken_.

--perfectly lovely.--_Ladies' Voice_.

--read it, try to parse it, and then set it to music and sing
it.--_Yankee Teacher_.

--the thing we dreamed of, longed for, sighed for, and paid
for.--_Public at Large_.

* * * * *

A Walking Fish.

The Walk in life of Mr. Secretary of State FISH, considering him as a
private individual, has hitherto been irreproachable. Nevertheless, his
walk might be much improved by President GRANT, if the latter would only
teach him to Walk Spanish.

* * * * *

"Hole-in-the-Day."

It is stated, though on what authority we are unable to say, that the
Philadelphia _Day_ is printed on straw paper made from the surplus
straw-hats that formed an item of a notorious government contract
negotiated during the war.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MESMERISM IN WALL STREET.

_First Lady Broker, (entrancing subject.)_ "THERE, I'VE GOT HIM TO THE
POINT NOW. TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD, QUICK."

_Commodore V-nd-rb-lt, (murmurs.)_ "SELL ME ONE THOUSAND SHARES
CENTRAL."

_Second Lady Broker._ "BOOKED!"]

* * * * *

THE BALLAD OF CAPTAIN EYRE,

OF THE PACIFIC AND ORIENTAL STEAMSHIP "BOMBAY."

My name was ARTHUR EYRE, when I sailed,
When I sailed;
My name was ARTHUR EYRE, when I sailed;
My name was ARTHUR EYRE, a true British snob, I swear,
Who for Yankees didn't