to him the knowledge of what befel me; as he knew that my
fate was upon a crisis with my friends; and that I had in my letter
to him reserved the liberty of revocation; I should not have been
solicitous whether he had got my letter or not: when he had come, and
found I did not answer to his signal, he would presently have resorted
to the loose bricks, and there been satisfied, by the date of my letter,
that it was his own fault that he had it not before. But, governed by
the same pragmatical motives which induced me to correspond with him at
first, I was again afraid, truly, with my foolish and busy prescience;
and the disappointment would have thrown him into the way of receiving
fresh insults from the same persons; which might have made him guilty
of some violence to them. And so to save him an apprehended rashness,
I rushed into a real one myself. And what vexes me more is, that it is
plain to me now, by all his behaviour, that he had as great a confidence
in my weakness, as I had in my own strength. And so, in a point entirely
relative to my honour, he has triumphed; for he has not been mistaken in
me, while I have in myself!

Tell me, my dear Miss Howe, tell me truly, if your unbiassed heart does
not despise me?--It must! for your mind and mine were ever one; and
I despise myself!--And well I may: For could the giddiest and most
inconsiderate girl in England have done worse than I shall appear to
have done in the eye of the world? Since my crime will be known without
the provocations, and without the artifices of the betrayer too; while
it will be a high aggravation, that better things were expected from me
than from many others.

You charge me to marry the first opportunity--Ah! my dear! another of
the blessed effects of my folly--That's as much in my power now as--as
I am myself!--And can I besides give a sanction immediately to his
deluding arts?--Can I avoid being angry with him for tricking me thus,
as I may say, (and as I have called it to him,) out of myself?--For
compelling me to take a step so contrary to all my resolutions and
assurances given to you; a step so dreadfully inconvenient to myself; so
disgraceful and so grievous (as it must be) to my dear mother, were I to
be less regardful of any other of my family or friends?--You don't know,
nor can you imagine, my dear, how I am mortified!--How much I am sunk
in my own opinion! I, that was proposed for an example, truly, to
others!--O that I were again