er began the
game by asking him what was good for a hoarseness, lowness of spirits,
and in digestion, for he was troubled with all these complaints to a
very great degree. Wagtail immediately undertook to explain the nature
of his case, and in a very prolix manner harangued upon prognostics,
diagnostics, symptomatics, therapeutics, inanition, and repletion;
then calculated the force of the stomach and lungs in their respective
operations; ascribed the player's malady to a disorder in these organs,
proceeding from hard drinkings and vociferations, and prescribed a
course of stomachics, with abstinence from venery, wine, loud speaking,
laughing, singing, coughing, sneezing, or hallooing. "Pah, pah!" cried
Ranter, interrupting him, "the remedy is worse than the disease--I
wish I knew where to find some tinder water." "Tinder water!" said
the doctor; "Upon my word, I don't apprehend you, Mr. Ranter." "Water
extracted from tinder," replied the other, "a universal specific for all
distempers incident to man. It was invented by a learned German monk,
who, for a valuable consideration, imparted the secret to Paracelsus."
"Pardon me," cried the painter, "it was first used by Solomon, as
appears by a Greek manuscript in his civil handwriting, lately found at
the foot of Mount Lebanon, by a peasant who was digging for potatoes--"
"Well," said Wagtail, "in all my vast reading, I never met with such
a preparation! neither did I know till this minute, that Solomon
understood Greek, or that potatoes grew in Palestine."

Here Banter interposed, saying, he was surprised that Dr. Wagtail
should make the least doubt of Solomon's understanding Greek, when he is
represented to us as the wisest and best-educated prince in the world;
and as for potatoes, they were transplanted thither from Ireland, in the
time of the Crusade, by some knights of that country. "I profess," said
the doctor, "there is nothing more likely. I would actually give a vast
sum for a sight of that manuscript, which must be inestimable; and, if
I understood the process, would set about it immediately." The
player assured him the process was very simple--that he must cram a
hundred-weight of dry tinder into a glass retort, and, distilling it
by the force of animal heat, it would yield half a scruple of insipid
water, one drop of which is a full dose. "Upon my integrity!" exclaimed
the incredulous doctor, "this is very amazing and extraordinary! that
a caput mortuum should