s when I come, her dejection when I go, her eagerness that I
should come often, the expression of her eyes, the tone of her voice--I
tried to think that they meant nothing, and were, perhaps, only her
ardent West Indian manner. But last night, as I awoke from the
mesmeric sleep, I put out my hand, unconsciously, involuntarily, and
clasped hers. When I came fully to myself, we were sitting with them
locked, she looking up at me with an expectant smile. And the horrible
thing was that I felt impelled to say what she expected me to say.
What a false wretch I should have been! How I should have loathed
myself to-day had I yielded to the temptation of that moment! But,
thank God, I was strong enough to spring up and hurry from the room. I
was rude, I fear, but I could not, no, I COULD not, trust myself
another moment. I, a gentleman, a man of honor, engaged to one of the
sweetest girls in England--and yet in a moment of reasonless passion I
nearly professed love for this woman whom I hardly know. She is far
older than myself and a cripple. It is monstrous, odious; and yet the
impulse was so strong that, had I stayed another minute in her
presence, I should have committed myself. What was it? I have to
teach others the workings of our organism, and what do I know of it
myself? Was it the sudden upcropping of some lower stratum in my
nature--a brutal primitive instinct suddenly asserting itself? I could
almost believe the tales of obsession by evil spirits, so overmastering
was the feeling.

Well, the incident places me in a most unfortunate position. On the
one hand, I am very loath to abandon a series of experiments which have
already gone so far, and which promise such brilliant results. On the
other, if this unhappy woman has conceived a passion for me---- But
surely even now I must have made some hideous mistake. She, with her
age and her deformity! It is impossible. And then she knew about
Agatha. She understood how I was placed. She only smiled out of
amusement, perhaps, when in my dazed state I seized her hand. It was
my half-mesmerized brain which gave it a meaning, and sprang with such
bestial swiftness to meet it. I wish I could persuade myself that it
was indeed so. On the whole, perhaps, my wisest plan would be to
postpone our other experiments until Wilson's return. I have written a
note to Miss Penclosa, therefore, making no allusion to last night, but
saying that a press of work would c