me, out would come the most outrageous things--silly jokes, sentiments
as though I were proposing a toast, snatches of ballads, personal abuse
even against some member of my class. And then in a moment my brain
would clear again, and my lecture would proceed decorously to the end.
No wonder that my conduct has been the talk of the colleges. No wonder
that the University Senate has been compelled to take official notice
of such a scandal. Oh, that devilish woman!

And the most dreadful part of it all is my own loneliness. Here I sit
in a commonplace English bow-window, looking out upon a commonplace
English street with its garish 'buses and its lounging policeman, and
behind me there hangs a shadow which is out of all keeping with the age
and place. In the home of knowledge I am weighed down and tortured by
a power of which science knows nothing. No magistrate would listen to
me. No paper would discuss my case. No doctor would believe my
symptoms. My own most intimate friends would only look upon it as a
sign of brain derangement. I am out of all touch with my kind. Oh,
that devilish woman! Let her have a care! She may push me too far.
When the law cannot help a man, he may make a law for himself.

She met me in the High Street yesterday evening and spoke to me. It
was as well for her, perhaps, that it was not between the hedges of a
lonely country road. She asked me with her cold smile whether I had
been chastened yet. I did not deign to answer her. "We must try
another turn of the screw;" said she. Have a care, my lady, have a
care! I had her at my mercy once. Perhaps another chance may come.

April 28. The suspension of my lectureship has had the effect also of
taking away her means of annoying me, and so I have enjoyed two blessed
days of peace. After all, there is no reason to despair. Sympathy
pours in to me from all sides, and every one agrees that it is my
devotion to science and the arduous nature of my researches which have
shaken my nervous system. I have had the kindest message from the
council advising me to travel abroad, and expressing the confident hope
that I may be able to resume all my duties by the beginning of the
summer term. Nothing could be more flattering than their allusions to
my career and to my services to the university. It is only in
misfortune that one can test one's own popularity. This creature may
weary of tormenting me, and then all may yet be well. May Go