s way to
discover a new continent. If a ship would only roll and pitch, an
average land-lubber might have a chance, but it has a nasty trick of
seceding from beneath you when you are lying on your back, and leaving
that back to follow as best it can. This particular hiatus was not new
to me, but such a multiplicity of noises as made that night hideous I
had never encountered before. The wiseacres said that a cargo of
pig-iron had been badly stowed in the ship's entrails, and was trying to
knock a hole in its side, and so it sounded. The drillings of the screw
I could recognise as it doggedly worked its way, occasionally writhing
in impotent rage as it was lifted out of the water; but all the other
squeaking, grating, bond-bursting sounds I could not analyse. As for my
cabin, it soon presented the appearance of a Pandemonium. There was no
provision for securing anything, so portmanteaux were colliding with one
another, and with various articles of furniture and crockery that had
put in an appearance; my dressing-case was sliding along the floor like
a schoolboy on the ice, and in fact every mortal thing was on the alert,
trying to find its ever-shifting centre of gravity. For all that I went
to sleep, to dream of alligators and lifebelts, and of the list of the
saved, amongst whom I could not find my name.

That chivalrous White Star Company had constructed a special state-room
on deck for their guest, the histrionic star, and had furnished it
comfortably, as I know full well, for when, after the demoralising
experiences of that night, I had crawled to the surface limp and
crushed, a ministering angel at once took me in hand, laid me out in
full state in that room of hers, propped me with cushions, tended me
with creature comforts, and finally willed me to sleep. When after some
hours I came out vivified and refreshed, I found her squatting on the
deck in true schoolgirl fashion, writing letters in her big handwriting.
Later on what on _terra firma_ I call my better half had also emerged
from below, and was organising a personally conducted five-o'clock tea,
made attractive by certain canisters in her private possession. Full
justice was done to the popular meal by the small but select circle of
friends come together on that occasion.

As we proceeded, many an incident occurred, partly connected with the
vagaries of the Atlantic, partly with the thousand and one social and
humanitarian interests awakened on board a floa