ooseberry trees,
good leather doesn't grow; that shoe pegs do not grow like oats, that
cowhide doesn't come from goats--such things I'd surely know.

And if I were a grocer man, I'd open now and then a can to see what
stuff it held; 'twere better than to writhe in woe and make reply, "I
didn't know," when some mad patron yelled.

I hate to hear a merchant say: "I think that this is splendid hay," "I
guess it's first class tea." He ought to know how good things are, if
he would sell his silk or tar or other goods to me. Oh, knowledge is
the stuff that wins; the man without it soon begins to get his trade in
kinks. No matter where a fellow goes, he's valued for the things he
knows, not for the things he thinks.

WHEN WOMEN VOTE

"Jane Samantha," said the husband, as he donned his hat and coat, "I
would offer a suggestion ere you go to cast your vote. We have had a
bitter struggle through this strenuous campaign, and the issues are
important, and they stand out clear and plain. Colonel Whitehead
stands for progress--for the uplift that we need: he invites
investigation of his every word and deed. He's opposed to all the
ringsters and to graft of every kind; he's a man of spotless record,
clean and pure in heart and mind. His opponent, Major Bounder, stands
for all that I abhor; plunder, ring rule and corruption you will see
him working for; all the pluggers and the heelers stood by him in this
campaign--so I ask your vote for Whitehead and the uplift, dearest
Jane."

"William Henry," said the housewife, "I am sorry to decline, but the
wife of Colonel Whitehead never was a friend of mine. Last July she
gave a party--you recall her Purple Tea?--and invited all the
neighbors, but she said no word to me. I don't care about your issues
or your uplift or your ring, but I won't support the husband of that
silly, stuck-up thing!"

Major Bounder was the victor on that day of stress and strife, for it
seemed that many women didn't like the Colonel's wife.

THE AGENT AT THE DOOR

"Away with you, stranger!" exclaimed Mrs. Granger, "avaunt and
skedaddle! Come here never more! You agents are making me crazy and
breaking my heart, and I beg that you'll trot from my door! I've
bought nutmeg graters, shoelaces and gaiters, I've bought everything
from a lamp to a lyre; I've bought patent heaters and saws and egg
beaters and stoves that exploded and set me afire."

"You're laboring under a curious blunder,