ation
gospel according to THOMPSON (Sir HENRY of that ilk), should come to
an arrangement with the English Light Opera tenor, and tack COFFIN on
to his name.

* * * * *

ONLY FANCY!

(_FROM MR. PUNCH'S OWN RUMOURISTS._)

It may be interesting at this time of the year to mention the fact
that Lord SALISBURY always uses a poker in cracking walnuts. He says
it saves the silver. The other day, whilst wielding the poker across
the walnuts and the wine, Mr. GLADSTONE chanced to look in. The
Premier, with his well-known hospitality, immediately furnished
the Right Hon. Gentleman with another poker (brought in from the
drawing-room), and ordered up a fresh supply of nuts.

* * * * *

[Illustration]

Mr. GLADSTONE, recurring in private conversation to a recent visit
paid by him to Lord SALISBURY in Arlington Street, questioned the
convenience of a poker as an instrument for shattering the shell of
the walnut. For himself, he says, he has always found a pair of tongs
more convenient.

* * * * *

The Marquis of HARTINGTON, to whom this remark was reported,
observed that as a dissentient Liberal he naturally differed from Mr.
GLADSTONE, and was not to the fullest extent able to agree with his
noble friend, the Marquis of SALISBURY. For his own part, he found
the most convenient way of cracking a walnut was deftly to place the
article in the interstice of the dining-room door, and gently close
it. He found this plan combined with its original purpose a gentle
exercise on the part of the guests highly conducive to digestion.

* * * * *

Two hours later, the Leader of the Opposition was seen walking up
Arlington Street, and on reaching Piccadilly, he hailed an omnibus,
observing the precaution before entering of requiring the conductor to
produce the scale of charges. "No pirate busses for _me_," the Right
Hon. Member remarked, as (omitting the oath) he took his seat.

* * * * *

It is no secret in official circles that before the vacancy in the
office of Postmaster-General was filled, it was placed at the disposal
of the BARON BE BOOK-WORMS. Upon Sir JAMES FERGUSSON stepping in, the
PRIME MINISTER was urgently desirous to have the collaboration of
the noble BARON at the Foreign Office. But, somehow, the post of
Under-Secretary vacated by Sir JAMES was assigned to