"I am afraid then, that the scheme must be abandoned," returned the
First Civil Lord (he had been chosen as more polite than his sea
colleagues), and he was almost moved to tears in his sadness.

"I will enter the Army," cried AUGUSTUS, with determination.

And he did. He rose from the ranks in less than no time to become a
Field Marshal. It was then that a certain Illustrious Personage asked
him if he would like to become Commander-in-Chief.

"It is not impossible I might resign in your favour," said the I.P.
And then he asked him the necessary question.

"No, Sir," returned AUGUSTUS, bowing down his head in shame. Again he
found that his career was interrupted.

"I will try the Bar," he shouted.

And he did. He entered at Gray's Inn, and in a very short time became
a Q.C., a Judge, and a Lord Justice. Then the entire Ministry begged
him, as a personal favour, to accept the post of Lord Chancellor.

"With pleasure," was his modest rejoinder. Then he remembered that he
had been asked a certain question on previous occasions, and explained
matters.

"I am afraid you won't do," cried the entire Ministry, mournfully.

"Well, then, I will try the Church."

And he tried the Church. He became an eminent divine. Every one spoke
well of him; and when, in due course, the Primacy of all England was
vacant, he was asked to accept it. Again he explained matters.

"No!" shouted all the Deans and Chapters.

"You can't mean it!" cried the entire body of Archdeacons.

"Well, I never!" exclaimed every other ecclesiastical authority.
But it could not be, and the disappointment was too much for poor
AUGUSTUS, and he died of grief.

And so they put on the tombstone, that he would have been
President of the Royal College of Physicians, Lord High Admiral,
Commander-in-Chief, Lord Chancellor, and Archbishop of Canterbury,
if--_he had only learned Greek!_

* * * * *

LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.

NO. V.--TO GUSH.

MY DEAREST DARLING PERSON,

How sweet and amiable of you to allow a humble being like myself to
write to you. Dropping your own special style (which, to be perfectly
frank with you, I could no more continue through the whole of this
letter than I could dine off treacle and butter-scotch), I beg to say
that I am heartily glad to have this opportunity of telling you a few
things which have been on my mind for a long time. In what corner of
the great realm of abstractions do you mak