ys, ministers, dentists,
Ph.D.'s, and "Medical Trust" doctors.

[Sidenote: _Explanatory Note 1_]

"Medical Trust."--The American Medical Association (A.M.A.), a powerful
trust you can't get into unless you have a high preliminary education
and are a graduate of a high-class medical college. Eleven years'
training after the grammar school is their minimum standard now.

[Sidenote: _Explanatory Note 2_]

"League for Medical Ignorance."--The so-called "League for Medical
Freedom"; the opponent of the above mentioned trust. Their standard--any
old kind of a medical or religious training, two weeks or longer,
engrafted on anyone who has the money to pay for the course. No
education, no barrier; in fact, those of limited education make the
loudest boosters for the league. In justice, I must say that many
splendid, estimable persons belong to this league, not knowing these
facts.

[Sidenote: _Thorough Mastication_]

Fifth: See page 92 in my advice to the fat. It is as important for you
as for them. (It always makes me mildly furious when I look up a word
and am directed to seek some other locality. If it affects you that
way--seek page 60 in my advice to you.)

Also have your teeth X-rayed. Blind abscesses at the roots will cause
all sorts of aches and pains, as well as underweight.

[Sidenote: _Especially About Your Ailments_]

[Sidenote: _Organ Recitals Wednesday Evenings Only_]

Sixth: _Don't talk so much_. See if you can't leave out two-thirds of
the totally unimportant, uninteresting details. A tremendous amount of
energy is used in talking. This habit I would not say was confined to
you, by any means; it is another one of those pretty nearly universal
errors.

I will not give you a sample fattening menu, for it might be all out of
proportion to what you could handle, and it would upset you. Make out
your own menus, realizing that you must work gradually to the desired
amount.

I am taking it for granted that you are organically sound, that your
scientific, educated physician has said there is nothing the matter with
you, except perhaps your "nervous" disposition.

Have I not been nice to you? All right, relax and watch yourself get
into the class of the plumptically adequate.

And if you don't succeed after a faithful trial, take the milk-cure,
with its three to six weeks' absolute rest.

_Recapitulation_

1. Calm yourself.
2. Sleep.
3. Exercise.
4. Food.
5. Masticate