fe I shall never find
anything beyond what I have found; thou thyself knowest not that thou
art hoping yet continually, and seeking. If death were to visit thee,
with all thy courage and sadness, thou wouldst die with astonishment
that it was necessary to leave the world; but I should accept death as a
necessity, with the conviction that there is no fruit in the world which
I have not tasted. I do not hurry, neither shall I loiter; I shall
try merely to be joyful to the end. There are cheerful sceptics in the
world. For me, the Stoics are fools; but stoicism tempers men, at least,
while thy Christians bring sadness into the world, which in life is the
same as rain in nature. Dost thou know what I have learned? That during
the festivities which Tigellinus will arrange at the pond of Agrippa,
there will be lupanaria, and in them women from the first houses of
Rome. Will there be not even one sufficiently beautiful to console thee?
There will be maidens, too, appearing in society for the first time--as
nymphs. Such is our Roman Caesardom! The air is mild already; the midday
breeze will warm the water and not bring pimples on naked bodies.
And thou, Narcissus, know this, that there will not be one to refuse
thee,--not one, even though she be a vestal virgin."

Vinicius began to strike his head with his palm, like a man occupied
eternally with one thought.

"I should need luck to find such a one."

"And who did this for thee, if not the Christians? But people whose
standard is a cross cannot be different. Listen to me: Greece was
beautiful, and created wisdom; we created power; and what, to thy
thinking, can this teaching create? If thou know, explain; for, by
Pollux! I cannot divine it."

"Thou art afraid, it seems, lest I become a Christian," said Vinicius,
shrugging his shoulders.

"I am afraid that thou hast spoiled life for thyself. If thou canst
not be a Grecian, be a Roman; possess and enjoy. Our madnesses have
a certain sense, for there is in them a kind of thought of our own. I
despise Bronzebeard, because he is a Greek buffoon. If he held himself
a Roman, I should recognize that he was right in permitting himself
madness. Promise me that if thou find some Christian on returning home,
thou wilt show thy tongue to him. If he be Glaucus the physician, he
will not wonder.--Till we meet on the pond of Agrippa."

Chapter XXXI

PRETORIANS surrounded the groves on the banks of the pond of Agrippa,
lest ove