n His religion."

He spoke with head erect and decisively; but still he was moved, and his
legs trembled beneath his mantle. When silence followed his words, he
continued, as if wishing to anticipate an unfavorable answer,--

"I know what obstacles exist, but I love her as my own eyes; and though
I am not a Christian yet, I am neither your enemy nor Christ's. I wish
to be sincere, so that you may trust me. At this moment it is a question
of life with me, still I tell you the truth. Another might say, Baptize
me; I say, Enlighten me. I believe that Christ rose from the dead,
for people say so who love the truth, and who saw Him after death. I
believe, for I have seen myself, that your religion produces virtue,
justice, and mercy,--not crime, which is laid to your charge. I have not
known your religion much so far. A little from you, a little from your
works, a little from Lygia, a little from conversations with you. Still
I repeat that it has made some change in me. Formerly I held my servants
with an iron hand; I cannot do so now. I knew no pity; I know it now. I
was fond of pleasure; the other night I fled from the pond of Agrippa,
for the breath was taken from me through disgust. Formerly I believed in
superior force; now I have abandoned it. Know ye that I do not recognize
myself. I am disgusted by feasts, wine, singing, citharae, garlands, the
court of Caesar, naked bodies, and every crime. When I think that Lygia
is like snow in the mountains, I love her the more; and when I think
that she is what she is through your religion, I love and desire that
religion. But since I understand it not, since I know not whether I
shall be able to live according to it, nor whether my nature can endure
it, I am in uncertainty and suffering, as if I were in prison."

Here his brows met in wrinkle of pain, and a flush appeared on his
cheeks; after that he spoke on with growing haste and greater emotion,--

"As ye see, I am tortured from love and uncertainty. Men tell me that in
your religion there is no place for life, or human joy, or happiness, or
law, or order, or authority, or Roman dominion. Is this true? Men tell
me that ye are madmen; but tell me yourselves what ye bring. Is it a sin
to love, a sin to feel joy, a sin to want happiness? Are ye enemies of
life? Must a Christian be wretched? Must I renounce Lygia? What is truth
in your view? Your deeds and words are like transparent water, but what
is under that water? Ye see