sult those who, for aught he
can tell, are more than his equals in ability? Does the accident--and
what other can it be than accident?--of his station confer this
privilege? How would he look if one were to retort with his own
impertinence? What, for instance, if I were to say, 'I always call small
diplomatists Bluebottles! You 'll not be offended if, just for memory's
sake, I address you as Bluebottle,--Mr. Bluebottle, of course'?"

I was in ecstasies at this thought. It seemed to vindicate all my
insulted personality, all my outraged and injured identity. "Yes,"
said I, "I will dine with him; six o'clock shall see me punctual to
the minute, and determined to avenge the whole insulted family of the
Paynters. I defy him to assert that the provocation came not from _his_
side. I dare him to show cause why I should be the butt of his humor,
any more than he of _mine_, I will be prepared to make use of his
own exact words in repelling my impertinence, and say, 'Sir, you have
exactly embodied _my_ meaning; you have to the letter expressed what
this morning I felt on being called Mr. Paynter; you have, besides
this, had the opportunity of experiencing the sort of pain such an
impertinence inflicts, and you are now in a position to guide you as to
how far you will persist in it for the future.'"

I actually revelled in the thought of this reprisal, and longed for the
moment to come in which, indolently thrown back in my chair, I should
say, "Bluebottle, pass the Madeira," with some comment on the advantage
all the Bluebottles have in getting their wine duty free. Then, with
what sarcastic irony I should condole with him over his wearisome, dull
career, eternally writing home platitudes for blue-books, making Grotius
into bad grammar, and vamping up old Puffendorf for popular reading.
"Ain't you sick of it all, B. B.?" I should say, familiarly; "is not the
unreality of the whole thing offensive? Don't you feel that a despatch
is a sort of formula in which Madrid might be inserted for Moscow, and
what was said of Naples might be predicated for Norway?" I disputed
a long time with myself at what precise period of the entertainment
I should unmask my battery and open fire. Should it be in the
drawing-room, before dinner? Should it be immediately after the soup,
with the first glass of sherry? Ought I to wait till the dessert, and
that time when a sort of easy intimacy had been established which might
be supposed to prompt candor