dered. The only thing you can
drink out of a mug is beer; yet it is a popular present. Perhaps
you, with your (supposed) greater knowledge of babies, will explain
this.

Meanwhile, I am,
~The Baby's Uncle.~

P.S.--Which is a much finer thing than a mother.

To which her mother:

_My Dear Boy_,--It is too sweet of you to say you would like to get
Baby something. No, I don't know how coral reefs are made, and don't
want to. I think it is wicked of you to talk like that; I'm sure I
shan't dare let her wear anything valuable now. And I don't think
she really wants a mug.

I'm sure I don't know what she does want, except to see her uncle
(There!) but it ought to be something that she'll value when she
grows up. And of course we could keep it for her in the meantime.

Her Father has smoked his last cigar to-day. Isn't it awful? I have
forbidden him to waste his money on any more, but he says he must
give me 500 for a Christmas present. If he does, I shall give him
that sideboard that I want so badly, and then we shall both go to
prison together. You will look after Baby, won't you?

I am,
~The Baby's Mother.~

P.S.--Which she isn't proud, but does think it's a little bit
classier than an uncle.

And so finally, I:

_Dear Child_,--I've thought of the very thing.

I am,
~The Baby's Uncle.~

That ends Chapter I. Here we go on to

II

Chapter II finds me in the Toy Department of the Stores. "I want," I
said, "a present for a child."

"Yes, sir. About how old?"

"It must be quite new," I said sternly. "Don't be silly. Oh, I see;
well, the child is only a baby."

"Ah, yes. Now here--if it's at all fond of animals----"

"I say, you mustn't call it 'IT.' I get in an awful row if I do. Of
course, I suppose it's all right for you, only--well, be careful, won't
you?"

The attendant promised, and asked whether the child was a boy or girl.

"And had you thought of anything for the little girl?"

"Well, yes. I had rather thought of a sideboard."

"I beg your pardon?"

"A sideboard."

"The Sideboard Department is upstairs. Was there anything else for the
little girl?"

"Well, a box of cigars. Rather full