better if the ice had been warmer,
and the poker cooler."

Everybody laughed. The DOGE and Baron MUNCHAUSEN shook hands, and the
dinner ended gaily.

* * * * *

RYMOND, writing _lui-meme_ with too infrequent pen, makes pathetic
reference to the death of "one of the largest and best known purveyors
of Rhine wine, with whom I have had business relations and personal
intercourse for nearly thirty years." There is, we need hardly say,
no basis for the insinuation thrown out by HENED that the business
relations referred to were of the commission order sometimes
established between purveyors of Rhine and other wines and gentlemen
who have a wide circle of friends.

* * * * *

THEORY AND PRACTICE.

SCENE--_Interior of a First-class Railway Carriage.
Theoretical Passenger and Practical Passenger discussing the
"Unreadiness of England."_

_Theoretical Passenger_ (_at the conclusion of a long account of the
national shortcomings_). Yes, my dear Sir, France has only to declare
war to-morrow, and we are completely ruined! We cease to exist as a
nation!

_Practical Passenger_ (_with a smile_). But hasn't this been said
about us--by ourselves--for any number of years?

_Theo. Pas._ Doubtless, but that does not make it the less true.

_Prac. Pas._ Possibly; still, it is encouraging to find that we _do_
exist in spite of the "temptation to belong to other nations."

_Theo. Pas._ (_annoyed_). Ah! you treat the matter with levity; but
I assure you it is a most serious thing! How would you like to be
bombarded?

_Prac. Pas._ Not at all. The more especially as it would be a great
expense to the enemy.

_Theo. Pas._ (_with dignified resentment_). I see you consider the
subject a proper topic for raillery! It is a very fine day!

_Prac. Pas._ (_in a conciliatory tone_). No, no, I can assure you I am
deeply interested. But how about our Fleet--surely that should protect
us?

_Theo. Pas._ You must be very much behind the age to say so. Our Fleet
is practically valueless. It is perfectly easy to invade us at a
dozen places. If the French went to Ireland (as they did in the last
century), the conquest of England would be assured. They would (with
the assistance of a friendly peasantry), get their supplies and make
good their footing.

_Prac. Pas._ But how about our Army?

_Theo. Pas._ A farce! An expensive farce. We have no Regulars, the
Militia ex