ists only on paper, and the Volunteers are valueless.

_Prac. Pas._ Then why not have a Conscription--that would bring up our
Army with a run?

_Theo. Pas._ A Conscription! My dear Sir, the nation wouldn't think of
such a thing! No, not for a single moment!

_Prac. Pas._ (_after a pause_). Well, what is to be done?

_Theo. Pas._ (_promptly_). Nothing, except to write to the papers and
submit to our fate.

_Prac. Pas._ Is there any objection to the construction of the Channel
Tunnel?

_Theo. Pas._ (_carelessly_). None in the least--but why do you ask?

_Prac. Pas._ Because, if in the case of war, the entire French nation
pours into England;--as you say it will?

_Theo. Pas._ Certainly.

_Prac. Pas._ The best thing we can do is to utilise the Tunnel, pour
into France, and stay there! It will be only changing sides!

[_Conversation interrupted by whistle, and consequent rattle
and darkness._

* * * * *

THE SPHINX AND THE STICK.

_A SONG WHEREIN IS SUGGESTED A SUITABLE SUBJECT FOR AN IBSENITE
TRAGEDY._

[Sir JAMES CRICHTON-BROWNE thinks that "the reserve and
suppression of emotional movement which is observed in
English people" will probably result in all the women becoming
sphinxes, and all the men sticks.]

"Oh! do wag your head!" said the Sphinx to the Stick.
"I _can't_," he replied, "or I would, darling, quick!
If you'll only indulge in a shrug and some winks,
You'll perhaps set _me_ off," said the Stick to the Sphinx.
"Nay, long 'inhibition,'" the Sphinx made reply,
"Has imparted rigidity, love, to my eye."
"'Emotional movement' no longer is mine,"
Sighed the Stick to the Sphinx; "though I greatly incline
To a dig in your ribs, or a slap on your back
(As a sign of my love), all my muscles are slack.
My poor 'motor-centres' are all out of gear,
And I can't even 'chuck' your soft chin, sweet, I fear.
I'm sure such a stolid inflexible 'stick' you'll hate,
But, though I adore you, I _cannot_ gesticulate--"
"My case is as bad," sighed the Sphinx to the Stick,
"For I cannot 'bridle'--no more than a brick."
Said the Stick to the Sphinx, "Ah, we once knew what love meant!
But, thanks to the loss of 'emotional movement,'
We can't give it 'graceful and chastened expression,'
And so it seems slipping fast out of possession.
Heigho! we had far better die, darling, quick!
Since you are a Sphinx, love, and I'm