, by the great number of warlike people that are in it, that they
care not for making any other walls. Besides, whosoever would go about to
wall it, as Strasbourg, Orleans, or Ferrara, would find it almost
impossible, the cost and charges would be so excessive. Yea but, said
Panurge, it is good, nevertheless, to have an outside of stone when we are
invaded by our enemies, were it but to ask, Who is below there? As for the
enormous expense which you say would be needful for undertaking the great
work of walling this city about, if the gentlemen of the town will be
pleased to give me a good rough cup of wine, I will show them a pretty,
strange, and new way, how they may build them good cheap. How? said
Pantagruel. Do not speak of it then, answered Panurge, and I will tell it
you. I see that the sine quo nons, kallibistris, or contrapunctums of the
women of this country are better cheap than stones. Of them should the
walls be built, ranging them in good symmetry by the rules of architecture,
and placing the largest in the first ranks, then sloping downwards
ridge-wise, like the back of an ass. The middle-sized ones must be ranked
next, and last of all the least and smallest. This done, there must be a
fine little interlacing of them, like points of diamonds, as is to be seen
in the great tower of Bourges, with a like number of the nudinnudos,
nilnisistandos, and stiff bracmards, that dwell in amongst the claustral
codpieces. What devil were able to overthrow such walls? There is no metal
like it to resist blows, in so far that, if culverin-shot should come to
graze upon it, you would incontinently see distil from thence the blessed
fruit of the great pox as small as rain. Beware, in the name of the devils,
and hold off. Furthermore, no thunderbolt or lightning would fall upon it.
For why? They are all either blest or consecrated. I see but one
inconveniency in it. Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha! said Pantagruel, and what is that?
It is, that the flies would be so liquorish of them that you would wonder,
and would quickly gather there together, and there leave their ordure and
excretions, and so all the work would be spoiled. But see how that might be
remedied: they must be wiped and made rid of the flies with fair foxtails,
or great good viedazes, which are ass-pizzles, of Provence. And to this
purpose I will tell you, as we go to supper, a brave example set down by
Frater Lubinus, Libro de compotationibus mendicantium